I had the craziest idea last night... while on an excruciating smoke-induced headache. You know, cows are cute. Felarya is cute. And though lesbian centaurs aren't exactly my cup of tea, or centaurs at all, I figured if I was going to do this to share it I might as well do it right; I can always make a top-heavy giantess with a cow leather bustier when I feel like it without making a race for it. So why not get eaten by a burger to start a day of hard work?
The auroch is the original cow, according to Encyclopedia Encarta... but let's be frank, I picked the name because it sounded cool. I didn't do my research.
Aurochs
Aurochs are a species of centaurs whose animal half is that of a cow. They're also easily among the largest centaurs, reaching well over 130 feet on average, and being twice as stocky as any other species. Most of them have the black and white fur of a dairy cow.
Aurochs as a characteristic tend to lactate a lot, and for very long. They usually have a big surplus of milk
(1), which is greatly appreciated by most other predators, at least while young, as it helps them grow big and strong
(2)! It's probably their own milk which makes aurochs very large compared to similar species of centaurs.
They also are very peaceful, despite their size; it's difficult to get one of them to eat you. They're flirtatious and kind, willing to talk even with smaller creatures others of their size would consider prey! Though that's probably because they're not very fast, and they need their full strength, so they would rather not bother with tiny morsels like you. Matter of fact, they'll even be willing to let you sleep on them if you don't have a tent and don't want to start a fire, but need to keep warm! Hell, they'll even fix you up a warm meal for the night. Which usually involves lots of hard cheese, candy, and little vegetables... if you have worked for them, they can even whip out the beer!
Their milk is very good, specially if you ask nekos, and a great way to start a day of hard work
(3). It's usually quite safe around them; most other predators don't hunt in an auroch's territory. Aurochs love a hard worker; even if you're really small, they'll usually encourage you to keep working until you can't anymore. Surprisingly, most people pay them heed.
Most aurochs people meet are 90% likely to be nursing a younger auroch (90% likely to be female; also since males don't nurse, the older auroch is more than 90% likely to be a female too
(4)). Be wary around the smaller one, they're not so mellow even if they're a lot more innocent. Given their size and appetite, it's not strange that unlike cows, aurochs rarely form herds. They rely on friends for protection. They keep producing milk for a time after their calves stop needing it, however, and plenty of it... if you've got eyes, you can probably tell when that's the case
(5). They can get really naughty at those times...
(6)Bulls are so rare one has never been spotted. But if the cows are to be believed, they are nomadic
(7) and solitary, relying on their strength to solve most problems
(
. They only mate once with any given cow, and have very good memory.
(9)Surprisingly, aurochs don't take kindly to mages. For some odd reason, aurochs hate mages, becoming very aggressive around them, and will go out of their way to gobble one up as soon as they identify one. No two aurochs have given the same answer on why they hate wizards, though most of the time they mumble something about 'smartasses' or 'burgers'. You can only know they do.
(1) Milk not intended for prey consumption. Possible side effects include, when drank cold, good spirits, and the dire need to go out, stuff yourself, and work hard. If prewarmed, the milk causes an sensation of drowsiness and cold, making the subject look for a heat source as large as possible. Also there's another rumor that in rare cases, prolonged exposure from an early age can make you grow really big. No, REALLY big, REALLY, REALLY big. I mean it!
(2) And something else that starts with 'b', but that's only a rumor. A clue? It has a synonim that also starts with bu (5).
(3) No points for guessing what do they eat to get all the energy they pack into it.
(4) If it isn't nursing, it's STILL 90% likely to be female. So it's 81% likely to be a female nursing a female, 9% likely to be a female nursing a male, 9% likely to be a solitary female, and 1% likely to be male.
(5) Hehehe... mooo.
(6) If you've got blood in your veins, then you will get really naughty too.
(7) So in the 1% case you meet the male, it's unlikely you'll ever meet him again.
( What problems?
(9) Leading to situational homosexuality and interspecies relationships. Sometimes, at the same time.[sblock]For those of you who didn't get the joke... Aurochs' hunting method is to first make you start the day with a glass of milk, have YOU bring it food all day long, then eat you as a midnight snack, after you've worked your limbs off, stuffed yourself with cheese, candy, and other hard-to-digest non-meat material before dumbing up on beer and had a glass of warm milk to help you sleep at arms' reach, relaxed, and with most of your blood in your intestines... can you think up a way to get out of that situation and tell the world they're not what they seem? Magic? That's their answer too! Also mages tend to be bright people... so they compensate for any mages they missed by adding beer into the dinner. They call it an apology for being suspicious earlier if they thought they spotted a wizard... or a reward for all the hard work if they didn't.[/sblock]
Subject: Aurochs (dairy cow-based centaur) 
Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:34 am
