A new alien race for Felarya

hi

Okey I'm going to use this topic to make a new alien race for Felarya

also if I need to power down my race in anyway please let me know because I'm new to Felarya

I'm going to work on my new Alien race for Felarya

Okay, on top of the many things wrong with this, if they are all over making alliances why is it that they leave humans alone yet "can't help but follow them"' ?

Not to mention that "humans but stronger and faster" is something that is not only completely unoriginal but gets boring and old fast. I'd suggest you think better on this stuff next time

I can't really make it through reading all of this. Try making your description shorter and organizing it better.

So far, from what I've read I think the idea could benefit from you taking time to observe the ideas of others and how they write their ideas. I'm not the best guide, but I will try to help you somehow. I'll p.m. you.

Solomon, I'm going to be brutally honest you; this race is bad.

It's a textbook example of a Felarya race idea that is both too much and too little.


They are too much when it comes to things like Traits and Attributes.

The Ambaliens themselves are Human + or ++; their like Homo sapiens, but better in every conceivable way.
They are apparently skilled enough to have avoided any of their number being eaten by a Giant Predator.
Added to this, you gave them Fairy/Zentraedi size-shifting and... apparently, shape-shifting.

Their Society somehow upholds a superior moral high ground while pursuing diplomatic relations with every race they come across. (Except... humans, for ill explained reasons.)

Technology wise, they are extremely advanced, to the point that one wonders why they aren't using it to explore and interact with Felarya safely via remote drones.


What they have too little of is... pretty much everything else.

While the pursuit of peace is a noble goal, it's not exactly something one can found a Society on.
It's also a very poor explanation as to why the Ambaliens are expending such resources on Felarya; a Death World where Civilizations are few and are rather small at that.
Others have founded colonies there for their own reasons, such as Randomdude's Miratans and their need for farmland.

The Ambaliens just don't have any real Fluff or Flavor that sets them apart or makes them interesting.


For example, here's a race of Lawful Good Alien Robots I dreamt up for Kaiju All-Stars:


Their MO is that they go around exploring the Galaxy, collecting knowledge in the hopes of solving the mystery behind their purpose and creation.

Coming to Earth, they decide to aid a beleaguered Humanity.
For the most part, their race is welcomed, as their droids provide much needed Diplomatic assistance (The red ones, represented by the droid on the left) and help in Reconstruction (The yellow ones, represented by the droid on the right).

But a certain faction of their race, represented in that picture by the saw-handed black droid in the center, is not so welcome.
They are the Blackgaurd, the ones responsible for the others security and who respond to threats swiftly, stealthily, and severely.
Besides their zealotry in defending their kin, these ninja-bots have an unnerving habit of preforming their duties in secrecy, often appearing seemingly out of no where to protect their own.

If the implications of this weren't worrisome enough, Droids are lead by Nodes, larger and more complex machines that serve as the center of their group network, and the Blackguard Nodes are the Blacklords:

Heavily armed, skyscraper sized mecha that have no business being as stealthy as they are.

Needless to say, the nations of the Earth have a very tense relationship with this race, as the Blackguard could easily gut the Military superpowers of the world with little more then the barely audible whine of their sonic weapons announcing their presence.

=========================================
Now, that might not have been the most complete bio, but I hope it was a good example.
This is a race that has an interesting (Or I hope it's interesting, anyways), simple back-story that plays into their motivations (KAS Earth being a sort of Weirdness magnet, it wouldn't be surprising if they came across something that could help them on their quest.), and while they have a powerful Military presence, it can actually be detrimental to their cause, as such a show of potential force puts the locals on edge.


I know you probably put a lot of effort into this, Solomon, but my advice for right now is to put the Ambaliens on the back-burner.
Instead, maybe cut your teeth on something simpler, like a plant or an animal that could be inserted into one of Felarya's existing Biomes.

Also, if you are going to be working on this, use a Word Processing Document.

...Your formatting is atrocious.

Solomon, I'm going to be brutally honest you; this race is bad.

It's a textbook example of a Felarya race idea that is both too much and too little.


They are too much when it comes to things like Traits and Attributes.

The Ambaliens themselves are Human + or ++; their like Homo sapiens, but better in every conceivable way.
They are apparently skilled enough to have avoided any of their number being eaten by a Giant Predator.
Added to this, you gave them Fairy/Zentraedi size-shifting and... apparently, shape-shifting.

Their Society somehow upholds a superior moral high ground while pursuing diplomatic relations with every race they come across. (Except... humans, for ill explained reasons.)

Technology wise, they are extremely advanced, to the point that one wonders why they aren't using it to explore and interact with Felarya safely via remote drones.


What they have too little of is... pretty much everything else.

While the pursuit of peace is a noble goal, it's not exactly something one can found a Society on.
It's also a very poor explanation as to why the Ambaliens are expending such resources on Felarya; a Death World where Civilizations are few and are rather small at that.
Others have founded colonies there for their own reasons, such as Randomdude's Miratans and their need for farmland.

The Ambaliens just don't have any real Fluff or Flavor that sets them apart or makes them interesting.


For example, here's a race of Lawful Good Alien Robots I dreamt up for Kaiju All-Stars:


Their MO is that they go around exploring the Galaxy, collecting knowledge in the hopes of solving the mystery behind their purpose and creation.

Coming to Earth, they decide to aid a beleaguered Humanity.
For the most part, their race is welcomed, as their droids provide much needed Diplomatic assistance (The red ones, represented by the droid on the left) and help in Reconstruction (The yellow ones, represented by the droid on the right).

But a certain faction of their race, represented in that picture by the saw-handed black droid in the center, is not so welcome.
They are the Blackgaurd, the ones responsible for the others security and who respond to threats swiftly, stealthily, and severely.
Besides their zealotry in defending their kin, these ninja-bots have an unnerving habit of preforming their duties in secrecy, often appearing seemingly out of no where to protect their own.

If the implications of this weren't worrisome enough, Droids are lead by Nodes, larger and more complex machines that serve as the center of their group network, and the Blackguard Nodes are the Blacklords:

Heavily armed, skyscraper sized mecha that have no business being as stealthy as they are.

Needless to say, the nations of the Earth have a very tense relationship with this race, as the Blackguard could easily gut the Military superpowers of the world with little more then the barely audible whine of their sonic weapons announcing their presence.

=========================================
Now, that might not have been the most complete bio, but I hope it was a good example.
This is a race that has an interesting (Or I hope it's interesting, anyways), simple back-story that plays into their motivations (KAS Earth being a sort of Weirdness magnet, it wouldn't be surprising if they came across something that could help them on their quest.), and while they have a powerful Military presence, it can actually be detrimental to their cause, as such a show of potential force puts the locals on edge.


I know you probably put a lot of effort into this, Solomon, but my advice for right now is to put the Ambaliens on the back-burner.
Instead, maybe cut your teeth on something simpler, like a plant or an animal that could be inserted into one of Felarya's existing Biomes.

Also, if you are going to be working on this, use a Word Processing Document.

...Your formatting is atrocious.

Meh, they're not really "alien" if they look exactly like humans.

Ok initial impressions the use of size change though not exclusive to fairies they are the best at it and your size change rivals theirs. But I would like to point out that size change isn’t a trait exclusive to fairies and other races can have it just to a lesser degree. From how you describe it, it seems more of a way to get off of the food list by becoming too large to swallow. An easy fix for this would be to tone down the size change considerably and make them large enough where predators wouldn’t be able to swallow them easily.

As for their coming to Felarya I would have to point out that most of Felarya’s inhabitants were either born there or were unwillingly brought through a random portal. And for the goal it seems rather shallow and Mary Sueish to me. I don’t see any species as wanting to make peace with another without wanting something in return.

On to their biology you seem to want to over load them with abilities but without any type of draw back. I can accept the increase in strength due to the size of the home world, but as for their shape changing I would have to ask why the species developed this trait. As species only develop traits that are useful to their survival. I would also like to take the time to ask as to why they developed this size changing technology as the only purpose it seems to serve is to stop them from getting eaten on Felarya.

As to their appearance I would have to agree with Pendragon in that their being an alien species should have different aesthetic traits differentiating them from humans.

Moving on to their history I would have to question how they became part of any alliance. Given their dislike of violence what species would align themselves with them. Taking a look at how international relations work here on Earth treaties are made with other counties that benefit both countries in some way such as a trade in resources or simply as a way to ease tensions between the two.

I don’t see why humans are being singled out for being violent. Looking at some other races on the wiki dridders, gyspas, and crimson maidens just to name a few are also quite violent. It also seems quite contradictory to their views of not using violence to get what they want when you use phrases such as “they have never attacked any Humans to get what they want yet.”

It also seem contradictory when you say that they believe all life has some meaning in some way shape or form and then go on to say they are very violent hunters who don’t show mercy to their prey. Given that they are from another planet I don’t believe that they would have the same religious views as those we formed on Earth as even between different countries we developed a multitude of varying religions. Another thing you should take into consideration is that if they came from a planet with such an immense gravity they would move clumsily as their bodies adjusted to the smaller work load, and over time as their muscles would weaken because of the reduced workload they would receive.

The weapons that you gave them for their vehicles don’t seem to support the anti-violent attitude.

This next paragraph seems only to serve as a way to list off things that you think are cool and I would have to say there is just too much stuff here.

Now back to the shape shifting if you insist on having it please remember that changing the way they physically appear and what they are made out of are two completely different things. Maybe it would help you to look at how chameleons and octopuses disguise themselves.

Again I see that you contradict their peaceful attitude in saying that in the past they have had many battles.

I would also have to ask how they would know that Anna was anything but a naga without being told of this.

I’m confused at what you are trying to say here

Solomon wrote:

The Emissary Team has a few bases on Felarya but they only have two bases.

You also seem to be repeating the same things throughout this you have already talked about their size changing implants at least three times.

Then you go on once again to list the things that you believe to be cool. This just seems like too much for one race to have achieved.

So here is what I think you need to do.
1. Look over the wiki and look at how other races are structured and balanced.
2. Look back over what you have made.
3. Think about what key attributes you want your species to have.
4. Tone down the technology and species abilities.
5. Get in contact with another member of the community and have them help you rewrite this before posting a revised version.

Pendragon wrote:

Meh, they're not really "alien" if they look exactly like humans.

well in some Sci-Fi series there are aliens that look like Humans but aren't like the people of Mondes from Docter Who they looked Human in everyway posible way but they weren't Human

Solomon wrote:

Pendragon wrote:

Meh, they're not really "alien" if they look exactly like humans.

well in some Sci-Fi series there are aliens that look like Humans but aren't like the people of Mondes from Docter Who they looked Human in everyway posible but they weren/t Human

Yeah, but that's rarely an artistic choice. And when it is it's rarely a good one.

Lots of "aliens" in the Original Star Trek Series were identical to humans - that was just a fact of the budget making it really hard to get a big supply of makeup and prosthetics.

This bio is overly complex while still not really adding anything worthwhile.

hey Black Aquila dont bash this new commer ok, Trust me do something like that to some one who is a writter for the first time and you couls kill their writting spirt and discourage them from writting anything ever agian. rememnber play nice but not nerfed.

solomon personaly i think you Idea is great, may need some work here and their but generaly its a good idea and it brings something new to the table, alien races in felarya thats something many people have not touch upon, my self and Black Hole Fragment are the only ones to my knowlege who have considered adding Alien speaices to Felarya. I am intersted in what you have planned with these guys.
as for you grammer errors i can correct them ( i have microsoft word 2007) and Pm the corrects

Luke maybe you should work on your own spelling and grammar before you offer to correct someone else's work.

luke112 wrote:

hey Black Aquila dont bash this new commer ok, Trust me do something like that to some one who is a writter for the first time and you couls kill their writting spirt and discourage them from writting anything ever agian. rememnber play nice but not nerfed.

solomon personaly i think you Idea is great, may need some work here and their but generaly its a good idea and it brings something new to the table, alien races in felarya thats something many people have not touch upon, my self and Black Hole Fragment are the only ones to my knowlege who have considered adding Alien speaices to Felarya. I am intersted in what you have planned with these guys.
as for you grammer errors i can correct them ( i have microsoft word 2007) and Pm the corrects

I don't think you can really accuse Black of bashing. His post seemed fairly evenhanded to me.

There's nothing wrong with alien races in Felarya, it just hasn't really been done right to this point. Most of those "alien" ideas just end up being human+ species that either have huge balance issues, or cultural inconsistancies that make no sense.

The main issue is that no one has tried anything really alien, and instead just try to make humans, but better in every way. Why not just make a different race of humans, but give them an interesting history or culture? Just because they are human doesn't mean they aren't aliens. Its pretty clear from the evidence at hand that there are many human civilizations across the universe. I just think if you want to make human aliens, you should make humans, and if you want to make really alien, aliens...then actually make them alien.

(Also, Luke. You probably shouldn't offer to correct grammatical and spelling errors until you can fix your own. Just saying)

As for this race, ehh...I think some more thought on them could be in order.

They are usual human+'s (stronger, faster, etc), but they can also shapeshift. Limited shapeshifting can be potentially done, like growing spines and claws, but keep in mind, matter cannot just be created or gotten rid of. When they change forms, the stuff has to come from or go to somewhere. You gotta have the biomass before you can transform.

As for the size-shifting, Im just generally against it for non-fairies. People tend to not handle it well and just use it as a crutch to allow their character/species to either be immune from being eaten, or to let them be friends with the giant preds easy.

Their culture is what I don't get. They believe in peace and making alliances with everyone they can...except humans, who they are horribly racist (specist?) and judgemental of for some reason. Those feelings are so strong in fact, that they actively try to sabotage the advancement of human civlizations to keep them from becoming more advanced.

That whole part just doesn't make sense. You would think that an interplanetary race would know better. They assume all human civilizations are bad, believe that they need to sabotage and interfere with them all, and actually believe that they are perfectly right to do so. The universe is a really big place, full of all kinds of civilizations. I really doubt humans are bad enough to have earned all of their distain. It just looks like they are pre-judging an entire group of people for no other reason than they think they are bad.

As for the tech section, it just seems like a bit of a jumble and like you tried to do too much.

Maybe try to focus your idea more. There's nothing wrong with trying to make new races, but I just don't see how this could work, or at least work well.

Jætte_Troll wrote:

Solomon wrote:

Pendragon wrote:

Meh, they're not really "alien" if they look exactly like humans.

well in some Sci-Fi series there are aliens that look like Humans but aren't like the people of Mondes from Docter Who they looked Human in everyway posible but they weren/t Human

Yeah, but that's rarely an artistic choice. And when it is it's rarely a good one.

Lots of "aliens" in the Original Star Trek Series were identical to humans - that was just a fact of the budget making it really hard to get a big supply of makeup and prosthetics.

This bio is overly complex while still not really adding anything worthwhile.

then I'll try to inprove the bio but should I deleate the current bio first?

Yeah, make sure you read the wiki. Check out other races and see how they fit in. Just because anything can enter Felarya, doesn't mean it should. The wiki gives a good impression of what it should be.

Link

Reading the wiki as much as possible will only benefit.


Also, I recommend these two threads by the TC be merged. No point having two on the same thing.

luke112 wrote:

hey Black Aquila dont bash this new commer ok, Trust me do something like that to some one who is a writter for the first time and you couls kill their writting spirt and discourage them from writting anything ever agian. rememnber play nice but not nerfed.

solomon personaly i think you Idea is great, may need some work here and their but generaly its a good idea and it brings something new to the table, alien races in felarya thats something many people have not touch upon, my self and Black Hole Fragment are the only ones to my knowlege who have considered adding Alien speaices to Felarya. I am intersted in what you have planned with these guys.
as for you grammer errors i can correct them ( i have microsoft word 2007) and Pm the corrects

Luke, Black Aquila made a reasonable post, not bashing.

As well, as people have mentioned, you should not be giving corrections when you never make an attempt to edit your own posts, including the one you just made.

As well, you are not one of the "only" people to make an alien species. Since Felarya is an inter-dimensional setting, any group coming from the outside is an alien species.

Just making super-powered humans is not making any sort of original alien species.

Slimetoad wrote:

Okay, on top of the many things wrong with this, if they are all over making alliances why is it that they leave humans alone yet "can't help but follow them"' ?

well they don't think Humans can be reasoned with for one. they can't help but fallow them because they usually try to put them off corse from a planet

Not to mention that "humans but stronger and faster" is something that is not only completely unoriginal but gets boring and old fast. I'd suggest you think better on this stuff next time

I will but there are alot of planets out there and not all of them are the same

Threads merged. Please avoid creating two threads on the same topic.

thank you all for telling me what you thought of my aliens after thinking about what I posted I did make alot of errors and left out alot of details so I'm going to deleat there bio so I can work on it some more please keep in mind I will need to know each time I post there bio so you all can tell me what I need to inprove

luke112 wrote:

hey Black Aquila dont bash this new commer ok, Trust me do something like that to some one who is a writter for the first time and you couls kill their writting spirt and discourage them from writting anything ever agian. rememnber play nice but not nerfed.

Yeah luke, I wasn't bashing him...

Being brutally honest and critical, yes, but I didn't have malicious intent.

That said, I was rather intrigued by the story of the Probes.
It makes a lot of sense for a Civilization as advanced as the Ambaliens supposedly are to send a robotic proxies to explore, and it kind of reminds me of this one Discovery Channel show that followed the hypothetical adventures of two human probes on another world examining the local wildlife.
Since the Ambalien Probes also have advanced Artificial Intelligence, they themselves could characters; ones who'd interact with Felarian locals while they try to discover new scientific findings for their masters.

Solomon, putting something "On the back-burner" is a turn-of-phrase that implies setting something aside for now so that you can focus on something else.
In this context, I'm suggesting you work on something else, preferably something of smaller scale like a new animal or plant, so that get a handle on your developmental process and bring that experience back to your Ambaliens.

Speaking of, you mentioned in your response to my earlier post that the Ambaliens "Want" Felarya, and I have to ask, why?
They are supposedly an Interstellar Empire capable of Inter-Reality Travel, what reason is there for them to lay claim to a Death World?
Randomdude's Miratans are on Frost Peak because they need farmland, aren't capable of space travel, and instead rely on portal technology that brought them there.

You haven't explained what would warrant sending mass "Ambassadory" force into a hostile environment.
Sending Probes for research makes sense, since something like Felarya would pique scientific curiosity, but what would they be hoping to acquire with an Occupation?
If you make a species or a society, you have think about why they would do the things they do.

Black Aquila wrote:

luke112 wrote:

hey Black Aquila dont bash this new commer ok, Trust me do something like that to some one who is a writter for the first time and you couls kill their writting spirt and discourage them from writting anything ever agian. rememnber play nice but not nerfed.

Yeah luke, I wasn't bashing him...

Being brutally honest and critical, yes, but I didn't have malicious intent.

That said, I was rather intrigued by the story of the Probes.
It makes a lot of sense for a Civilization as advanced as the Ambaliens supposedly are to send a robotic proxies to explore, and it kind of reminds me of this one Discovery Channel show that followed the hypothetical adventures of two human probes on another world examining the local wildlife.
Since the Ambalien Probes also have advanced Artificial Intelligence, they themselves could characters; ones who'd interact with Felarian locals while they try to discover new scientific findings for their masters.

Solomon, putting something "On the back-burner" is a turn-of-phrase that implies setting something aside for now so that you can focus on something else.
In this context, I'm suggesting you work on something else, preferably something of smaller scale like a new animal or plant, so that get a handle on your developmental process and bring that experience back to your Ambaliens.

Speaking of, you mentioned in your response to my earlier post that the Ambaliens "Want" Felarya, and I have to ask, why?
They are supposedly an Interstellar Empire capable of Inter-Reality Travel, what reason is there for them to lay claim to a Death World?
Randomdude's Miratans are on Frost Peak because they need farmland, aren't capable of space travel, and instead rely on portal technology that brought them there.

You haven't explained what would warrant sending mass "Ambassadory" force into a hostile environment.
Sending Probes for research makes sense, since something like Felarya would pique scientific curiosity, but what would they be hoping to acquire with an Occupation?
If you make a species or a society, you have think about why they would do the things they do.

after giving some thought into it I think I will inprof the Ambaliens a lot one idea that I've come up with as to why they hate Humans is because a group of Deluran out laws invaded Ambala (when the Ambaliens were in the Trible stage of evelotion)later the out laws were welcomed by the Ambaliens(because at first the Ambaliens thought the out laws were Angels)but later the out laws killed off an entire Tribe of Ambaliens so they could take the Tribes resores for themselfs later Allies of the destroyed Tribe band together to kill the Human out laws to evenge there fellow Tribes men. the Ambaliens have seen Humans as Demons even sense that day. later as time went by the Ambaliens have been trying to protect other races from the Demons known as Humans so that other races don't suffer the same fate as the Lost Tribe.

oh thank you for giving me a few ideas on how I should inprove the Ambaliens

Ok... a little better...

But this then begs the question how the Ambaliens went from scattered tribal groups to an Interstellar Empire when the Delurans themselves are still only moderately technologically advanced.
That kind of paradigm shift takes time, unless you are planning on making the Ambaliens less scientifically developed then they were initially.

Black Aquila wrote:

Ok... a little better...

thank you

But this then begs the question how the Ambaliens went from scattered tribal groups to an Interstellar Empire when the Delurans themselves are still only moderately technologically advanced.
That kind of paradigm shift takes time, unless you are planning on making the Ambaliens less scientifically developed then they were initially.

well I just got an idea that the out laws came from the future do to a time enamoly(or how ever you spell that word)