Funny quotes

From the 1998 movie Godzilla

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Apache Pilot #5: [after accidentally hitting the Chrysler Building with a missile] Oh! Damn, uh! That's a negative impact, sir! I repeat, that's a negative impact!
Mayor Ebert: Negative impact? That's the goddamned Chrysler Building!

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Audrey Timmonds: Wait, I don't get it... If he's the first of his kind, how can he be pregnant? Doesn't he need a mate?
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: Not if he reproduces asexually.
Audrey Timmonds: Where's the fun in that?

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Charles Caiman, WIDF Anchor: Ladies and Gentlemen, we New Yorkers like to believe we've seen it all... what you're going to see right now will shock you beyond belief. This is, uh, footage we have that indicates that there is a *dinosaur* loose in Manhattan.

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Mayor Ebert: What the hell's the matter with you people? [shouting] You've caused more damage than that goddamn thing did!

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Yeah, I know. The American version of Godzilla sucked, but it did have some pretty funny lines in it.

President Bush Quotes!

"I believe that the human being and the fish can coexist peacefully."

"What we need is a strategery!"

"It's not the pollution that's harming our environment, it's the impurities in the air and water that are doing it."

"Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?"

"New-q-ler"

"I have used the Google."

"If you do not succeed, you run the risk of failure."

"We need to improve border relations between Mexico and Canada."

CODE MONKEY QUOTES

J: I can't feel my crotch

D: Just as I though, you have lap dance crotch.

Larrity: It's like I used to tell my pappy. Just 'cos you seen a magic show doesn't mean you know how to saw a woman in half without windin' up in jail. And now here you are. In jail. Heh heh...

Jerry: Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.

(also...)

Jerry: Dude, it's a black as hell at night in here!

Hondo: It just got blacker.

Todd: "Now beep for me, robot. Beep! Yes. Yes! Beep, you robotic wh0re!"

Todd: "Well, my robotic love, I hope you'll store this experience in your memory card. I know I shall. From the bottom of my heart, I say to you, "Boop Boo Beep Boop Boo Bee Boop, forever."

Dave: "Dude, do not be a d!ck cheese! Please, help me have sex on this girl!"

Larrity: "They don't call me "Shoot Now, Ask Questions Larrity" for nothin'!"

Larrity: "Woo! And put on some weight, then lose it fast! I love stretch marks somethin' fierce!"

Clarence: "Even I'm offended, and I just spent all weekend watching 3 men F!@#!@#!@#!@#!@#k!"

Larrity: "Oh yeah, Clarence insisted on coming too."
--Clarence: "I always insist on coming!"

Dh my god you fell in love with the gaint didn't you?

J: No dave shut up!

D:Hey everyone!..Jerry is gay for gaints!!

J:Maybe I am dave...maybe I am

Hitler: "OH...I have been defeated again! How embarrasing!" **shoots self**

Jerry: "Oh yes... I UNDERSTAND NOW!! I SEE THINGS SO CLEARLY!! DAVE I UNDERSTAND!!"

Dave: "I know buddy, I know..."

Dr. Jingles: If you press the secret button, I can pass through walls.

Dave: That's awesome Dr. Jingles! Anything else can you tell me?

Dr. Jingles: Yeah, suck my ----.

Dr. Jingles: I was just kidding. No I wasn't. I was just kidding. No I wasn't.

Dr. Jingles: Drive into that wall.

Dave: That's a great idea!

Dave: "Dude, I dropped a deuce in the brownie bowl, which is code for I took a dump in the brownie bowl."

Jerry: "Dave, turn around."

Mr. Larrity: "Gosh dang it! That's the second time, I've eaten (bleep) this week."

"Does this shirt make me look fat?"

"No Todd! VISION makes you look fat!"

Larrity:were being attacked by black people no wait there ninjas!

Larrity-"for a fee of 30 million dollars i got him to shut down steven speilburg"
Goerge Lucas-"you said 20"
Larrity-"i said 30 you son ofa b****

Black Steve- That's right you honkified white bread cracker mother F**ker

Dave: "Pac-Man was real. He was the president after Lincoln."

Jerry: "DAVE! I've already cried... and pissed myself... I have nothing left... So SHUT THE F$#% UP!"

Dave: "Hey Benny. How's it hangin'?"

Benny: "It don't hang, man. It's like a button."

Todd: But I have riden many miles on my rental horse!

Todd: I will vanquish the dark knight Larity, and the traitor Jerry, as well as Clare the elfen wh0re, Mary the boob troll, Clarence the ferrit king, Black Steven the serpent prince, and David lord of the jerk holes!

Gary: Sexual stamina is not part of Dungeons and Dragons!

Gary: I bestow upon you 3 points of dexteirty, 5 points of strength, 6 points of sexual stamina and 200 points of charisma. Blazel Kadazel!

Dave: Get $20 out of your wallet

Jerry: Dave! I'm not buying you a lap dance.

Dave: I have millions of dollars worth of Gamevision stock. Why would I need you to buy me a lap dance? You're buying a lap dance, for the little man inside of you.

Jerry: This is insane, I'm leaving-

Dave: And Jerry, with the money you made from the ipo, you could buy 5 lap dances a day, for the rest of your life, and still have enough left over, for, more lap dances I've done the math.

hitler:AHHHHH the dreaded atomic sit up!

Dean: "I like circles, cause they're round and stuff."

Larrity: "Thank you Dean......that boy is R-E-Tarded."

Larrity: ...and thier'll be plenty more where that came from as long as you keep your mouth shout about that dead hoocker who crawled into the trunk.

Binny: Whores r crazy... you taught me that honorable father......

"An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life." - "Beyond This Horizon" by Robert Heinlein, 1942

"The preferred method of entering a building is to use a tank main gun round, direct fire artillery round, or TOW, Dragon, or Hellfire missle to clear the first room." - THE RANGER HANDBOOK U.S. Army, 1992

“The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that the English language is as pure as a crib-house whore. It not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary. “ - James Nicol

You can hear satanic messages if you play that disk backwards. But if you play it forwards it installs Vista. - Unknown

'Then it should be simple,' Ikmennedies said. 'All you have to do is cut the red wire.'
'They're both purple,' I said after a moment's inspection." - Commissar Ciaphas Cain, The Traitor's Hand

It's not exactly a quote, but it's still undeniable genius:
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=13164

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark." - George Carlin

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place." - Steven Wright

"Psychics will lead dogs to your body" - Alleged fortune cookie message

"Carney's Law: There's at least a 50-50 chance that someone will print the name Craney incorrectly." - Jim Canrey

I've found the funniest SAW hater on YouTube. This guy actually has the balls to make himself look like a total ass by leaving his worthless comments on anything related to SAW. This is the first one I found.

"Yeh so ah like, - when will SUCK 5 be out?!
ha-haha-ha-hahaha-ha-fuckin'HAH!
-And will it like, SUCK when it COMES out?"

Naturally, being the nice guy that I am, I asked him in a polite manner if he would like some help for his problems. Some time later I find that he has sent me this message.

"O.K. two things.

1. SAW SUCKS!
2. YOU SUCK EVEN MORE!!!!!

heh-heh-heh.....little bastard! FUCK!!!!!"

Notice how this guy hurts himself even more by letting me know that he thinks he's actually won. I gave him a polite response telling him that he's truly embarassing himself by sending me a message and he comes back with this.

"Hey no problem!!!!!

Go shove a saw up your ass!!!!!

Worthless cocksucker!!!!!

You'd like ta' spit all over my cock wouldn't ya'?!

heh-heh-heh....."

Notice how he lets me know again that he thinks he's won. The "heh heh heh" at the end is a dead giveaway. I wonder what insult he'll come up with next?

dlausactor6373 wrote:

1. SAW SUCKS!
2. YOU SUCK EVEN MORE!!!!!

Remember kids, Caps Lock is cruise control for cool!