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 gooigooi's character <3

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gooigooi3642
Tasty morsel



Posts : 5
Join date : 2012-06-24
Age : 25

gooigooi's character <3 Empty
PostSubject: gooigooi's character <3   gooigooi's character <3 Icon_minitimeThu Jul 26, 2012 6:02 pm

its my first character ever so be gentle <3

gooi
age: 14 years
size: 200 feet tall
slimegirl

gooi is a really cute and pretty slimegirl who lives in felarya. she lives in the bulvon woods where she spends all her time with her friends. one day, she met this really powerful wizard, and she ate him. when she digested him, she developed a wide variety of magical powers.

for one, she can change size to anything she wants. in fact, when she comes across something that wants to eat her, she shrinks to the size of an atom then splits on of there atoms, blowing them up, but it's okay because...

second, she is immune to explosions. no matter how big, she will be totally immune to it.

third, she can spit a ball of slime at any distance, and when it hits, it'll explode bigger than the biggest bomb ever made times ten. she can ever set it off on herself, but since shes immune to explosions, shell be totally fine

but overall, she is cute and likes to hang out with her friends and eat people together <3
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EvilGenius
Marauder of the deep jungle
Marauder of the deep jungle



Posts : 386
Join date : 2011-07-11

gooigooi's character <3 Empty
PostSubject: Re: gooigooi's character <3   gooigooi's character <3 Icon_minitimeThu Jul 26, 2012 6:45 pm

Ok, lets begin then. First I would suggest you use the Wiki format, it just makes thing more organised and easier to understand.

Name: Gooi
Species: Slimoid
Age:
Height:
Skin color:
Hair color:
Eye color:
Other characteristics:

Also she seems like a mary sue. You stress that she is very cute, instead of giving us her description, then talk about her powers instead of giving us a back story. You try to justify these powers when saying she digested a wizard, when it doesn't really work that way. You claim she is two hundred feet tall when she is only fourteen years old she just hasn't had enough time to grow nearly that much. As for her powers, lets start with the size changing. That's a fairy thing, she isn't a fairy, if she is able to change her size at all, it is minimal. Her immunity to explosions, while smaller explosions are understandable because she is a slimoid, she would still be ripped apart. She would just survive as a smaller version if her nucleas survives. Spitting slime is also understandable, but any distance is not possible. Unless she is using magic, it won't explode at all, much less "bigger than the biggest bomb ever made times ten". Personality was all but completely left out. All in all, she needs a lot of work, and you need to read the wiki, and get a better understanding of how thing work here. There's your review, i was gentle.
Link to the wiki
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