Jarl of the North's Character Ideas: From Slave to Monster

Name: Rebel; unknown if it is just a nickname or his real name.

Current Age: 16; the story is just beginning. Things will change as the story progresses. This will contain some spoilers, so only read if you don't hate them. Just warning you now, so you can't yell at me/eat me for it later.

Sex: Male

Race: Human

Current Height: 5'7"

Current Weight: 90 lbs (malnourished)

Nicknames (come in later): The Wanderer, the Lucky Bastard, and the Unfortunate Fool.

Appearance: His body is little more than skin and bones at the moment; life as a slave is not kind to many, if anyone. And the pale skin on his body is covered in scars of all sorts, from whip lashes that flayed his flesh open, to severe burns from fire, acid and magic, the most notable scars being on his back from when a "pet" of one of his previous masters tried to rip him open. His clothes are too big for him, and are filthy and ragged. His gray hair is of medium length, his bangs reaching down into his eyes and past his ears on the front and sides, reaching down to the base of his neck on his back. His storm gray eyes almost always betray a single emotion: anger.

Personality: Rebel he is known to be coldly sarcastic, dark humor oozing off of him and often coming at the expense of his fellow victims during attacks from preds, and is not afraid to taunt predators should he be out of their reach, but still in their presence. Personality-wise, he is, to a certain degree, paradoxical, possibly due to his strained sanity; he ranges from being easily irritated to being colder than absolute zero, and, having seen much worse than most his age, doesn't go into panic when a pred does attack, usually keeping his words to the bare minimum unless trying to keep a pred's attention on himself, usually in an attempt to distract the pred while he gets ready to bolt for an exit. In all the pred attacks he has witnessed, he has only screamed once, and that was when he was left alone after Crisis ate his friends. He has never given any reaction of fear to a pred, though this may be simply because he doesn't want to give any pred he comes across the satisfaction of knowing that they have gotten to him. Ever since he lost his friends to Crisis, he has followed the philosophy of every man for himself, even going so far as ditching his companions in order to save himself, as demonstrated in an encounter with Milly after escaping her cage and leaving the others for dead (this is pre-Isham). He is incredibly stubborn, and he is completely unwilling to just give up; something he developed in terms of hardiness during his years as a slave. He is more than willing to kill if it means surviving (this does not mean he will enjoy it to any degree), though he is not without his morals; he will kill people such as slavers given the chance without a second thought, given his hatred for people who gain money by trading others' lives, though when preds such as Crisis come around, morals quickly go out the window in exchange for survival; he has lost count of the days he's been in Felarya, and honestly doesn't give a damn at this point, counting the survival of each day as a blessing. He refuses to allow people to get close to him, because he lost too many people who were precious to him in the past and does not want to lose more, and also does not want to be having second thoughts if he has to sacrifice others to ensure his own survival, and as a result has absolutely no doubts that he is going to hell once he dies. Also seems to have extreme dislike for Malika developed early in the story; the assumption is permanent emotional scarring as a result of accidentally running into her when she was full, but still in the mood for a "game." He quotes, "with what she did to me, I wished she had just eaten me. Ugh..." There is one person he seems to be pursuing at the moment; someone who goes by the name of Pyro, who has "seen the monster in him" and apparently intends to bring it out.

Backstory: Little is known about his past besides that he was a slave in an unnamed world since the age of eight and has had multiple cruel masters in the past, supposedly the result of someone of political status having a dislike for his family and killing his father, shipping the rest of his family to different positions. Eventually he wound up on a slave caravan through Felarya in an attempt to make peace with a warring nation. Rebel and his fellow slaves, however, had other plans; they lured in Crisis, and she ate the entire slave caravan, including his friends, leaving only him because she was full. He is now traveling through Felarya, trying to find a purpose in his life.

So what did you think? Also, I'm kind of confused to how the posting stories thing works, because it says you can post your own stories in the stories discussion section, but most people put theirs on deviantART. Could someone clarify this for me? Sorry if it seems like a stupid question. Also, I was wondering if I could post my stories on fanfiction.net, because that would be, all things considered, the easiest thing to do at this point for me. Thank you.

Link to chapter one of Rebel's story: http://jarl-of-the-north.deviantart.com/#/d5cw8xf

Let me first greet you to the forum. I will be one of the moderators during your stay- please make yourself at home.

Jarl of the North wrote:

Appearance: His body is little more than skin and bones at the moment; life as a slave is not kind to many, if anyone. And the pale skin on his body is covered in scars of all sorts, from whip lashes that flayed his flesh open, to severe burns from fire, acid and magic, the most notable scars being on his back from when a "pet" of one of his previous masters tried to rip him open. His clothes are too big for him, and are filthy and ragged. His gray hair is of medium length, his bangs reaching down into his eyes and past his ears on the front and sides, reaching down to the base of his neck on his back. His storm gray eyes almost always betray a single emotion: anger.

Burns from fire and acid? Fire I'd get, but acid makes me wonder if slaves work around chemicals where he's from. That could open up some avenues for you to keep developing the character. Magic burns... make me wonder if magic is also like acid where he's from, an industrial supply, or if he was tortured with it. Acid makes for pretty unusual (and relatively expensive) torture, at least compared to the usual Board with a Nail(TM) Mark 1.

I suppose he wasn't always malnourished, or else, five seven would be a pretty hard to reach. You could elaborate on what age he was when he got... indentured, and what his first masters were like. Early malnutrition causes irreversible damage to the brain, so he wouldn't be much of a planner unless someone made sure he ate well early on.

Not that realism is key here, but it's the easiest place to get inspiration should you ever need it.

Jarl of the North wrote:

Personality: Rebel is known to be coldly sarcastic, dark humor oozing off of him and often coming at the expense of his fellow victims during attacks from preds. He ranges from being easily irritated to having the patience of a saint depending on the situation and topic of a conversation, and, having seen much worse than most his age, doesn't go into panic when a pred does attack, usually keeping his words to the bare minimum unless trying to keep a pred's attention on himself, and never, ever screaming, though this may be simply because he doesn't want to give any pred he comes across that pleasure.
Ever since he lost his friends to Crisis, he has followed the philosophy of every man for himself, though he is loyal to those he becomes friends with. He is incredibly stubborn, and he is completely unwilling to just give up. He is more than willing to kill if it means surviving (this does not mean he will enjoy it to any degree), though he is not without his morals; if he can, he will help others, and will kill people such as slavers given the chance without a second thought, though when preds such as Crisis come around, morals quickly go out the window in exchange for survival. He refuses to allow people to get close to him, because he lost too many people who were precious to him in the past and does not want to lose more, and also does not want to be having second thoughts if he has to sacrifice others to ensure his own survival.
Also seems to have extreme dislike for Malika developed early in the story; the assumption is permanent emotional scarring as a result of accidentally running into her when she was full, but still in the mood for a "game." He quotes, "with what she did to me, I wished she had just eaten me. Ugh..."

Snarky and dark humour. I like that, but some sentences say simply nothing about him. "He ranges from being easily irritated to having the patience of a saint depending on the situation and topic of conversation" is something you can ommit or reword: everyone has something to be sensitive about. Also, I don't think you'll want to use the word "saint" anywhere near this character. You could try saying instead he's usually stoic, displicent, or cold, but very rarely (or not? ), someone will push his buttons.

Now I wonder why would he want to keep a predator's attention on himself if he's an everyman for himself, but I suppose even if he did, he would never scream. You could also try saying he's vindictive, and that he doesn't want to give anyone who victimizes him the satisfaction of getting under his skin: more general, more appropriate.

Now, you say he follows the philosophy of every man for himself, THOUGH he is loyal to those he becomes friends with, and this would make for fine conflict- but then you mention he is incredibly stubborn, and completely unwilling to just give up. I would ask what will prevail in any given circumstance, but now THAT would be a spoiler. Think about that part: those things you wrote are contradictory- and contradictions in people's personality are the simplest way to generate tension while writing.

Malika permanently scarred him? So... he had never been raped before, or was it just he had never been %$%& in the &%#" of a #$&" with the %$#& while %$#!? I thought he'd been desensitized to just about everything- maybe he thought that too, come to think of it. I mean, this wouldn't even look natural to him.

Jarl of the North wrote:

Backstory: Little is known about his past besides that he was a slave in an unnamed world since the age of eight and has had multiple cruel masters in the past, supposedly the result of someone of political status having a dislike for his family and killing his father, shipping the rest of his family to different positions. Eventually he wound up on a slave caravan through Felarya in an attempt to make peace with a warring nation. Rebel and his fellow slaves, however, had other plans; they lured in Crisis, and she ate the entire slave caravan, including his friends, leaving only him for unknown reasons. He is now traveling through Felarya, trying to find a purpose in his life.

Someone REALLY disliked his father to put his whole family through that, huh! Adding insult to injury to a dead man seems a bit excessive- I'd think he's still alive, and probably being updated regularly on his relatives's scar collection. But I don't know if slaves will do for a peace offering.

As for how to lure in Crisis- you prolly know this, but the most field-expedient way is to use a flare gun. Best done at night when she's in the mood for a midnight snack. If that fails, a big smoky fire will do, even if it's away from the caravan- she only needs to get close enough to see the tracks of their vehicles, she's got enough expertise to track 'em down afterwards.

But unknown reasons? Sometimes, it's best to say it was just an accident.

As for a purpose in life- if I may make a recommendation, I'd go for the following 3-step plan, with an additional 2-step plan in case it's not enough.
1- Find money enough for steps 2 and 3.
2- Find a way back home.
3- Retrieve family.
4- Find everything whoever put 'em all through hell ever held dear.
5- "Will it blend?"

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Jarl of the North wrote:

So what did you think? Also, I'm kind of confused to how the posting stories thing works, because it says you can post your own stories in the stories discussion section, but most people put theirs on deviantART. Could someone clarify this for me? Sorry if it seems like a stupid question. Also, I was wondering if I could post my stories on fanfiction.net, because that would be, all things considered, the easiest thing to do at this point for me. Thank you.

Well, I think it can be fun.

As for the posting part, most people post their on dA and not on the forum... because they don't use the forum in the first place . It's all up to you where to post it, but ff.net, I don't know. Never used it; if it works for you, go ahead, I suppose. Then again, you already posted it to dA... so nevermind.

Well I read through the hole thing and I have to say it's not a bad character. A little too dark for my like, but then again darker characters work well with Felarya's world. Actually the one thing about the bio I found to be wrong was the fact Crisis was full. I somehow have a hard time seeing it happening. How big was the caravan? Other than that not a bad beginning character. Oh and welcome to Charas, Jarl.

This character looks somewhat solid, the components are here for a protagonist of a darker story, maybe one that purposely explores in actuality macabre and horrid the preds eating people is. That said there are a few inconsistencies with his personality. One of the problems is the way it conflicts with his background. Now he's a slave and there are a few ways you could take that. He could perceive extremely small things like being alive at the end of the day a blessing, emotionally jaded by the torture he's been put through, maybe submissive and broken like he finally caved and began loving the pain and labour.

Based on his dark sarcastic humour I would say that you're probably going with the second persona. What this lacks though is a lot of the emotional damage from being a servant. You say that he is loyal despite putting himself first, and that he tries to help others. A great way to fix this is address have his prior experiences better mold his personality. He's a malnourished slave he probably would run away like a coward in the face of dangerous, probably while hating himself for abandoning his friends. If he's more misanthropic he probably wouldn't go out of his way to help people, being more distrusting than loyal.

A great way to go with these possibilities is to possibly make his flaws the focal point of his character arc. He's hateful from being a slave his life so you pair him a new character, probably somebody he'd have a reason to stick with like an elf or neko who saved his life and a combination of guilt from doing nothing to save his friends from Crisis plus a renewed sense of human contact reignite his trust for people.

Also it's important to know what type of story you want to write. Not just something like tone (I assume yours is dark based on the slavery and death) but also overarching goals and inter-character relations. Character's don't exist in a vacuum save maybe for role playing. It's important for a character to fit the work of fiction. You wouldn't write a story where Harry Potter is replaced by Mr. smith from 1984.

So in closing quite decent concept, still need to hammer out a few inconsistencies, would help to know the context of the story.