Nyaha's Various Characters and Creatures

Name: Molly Lowenthal / Geno
Race: Human / Puppet
Age: 12 / 547
Gender: Female / Male
Height: 4’5” / 1'
Hair Colour: Black / None
Eye Colour: Black / Brown
Predation: Specialized
Food Category: 2 inches - 100+ feet. Prefers: N/A

-Appearances-
Molly is a young human girl who was born in Negav. She has short, straight cut black hair and black eyes with a hint of precocious maturity to them. She wears a Victorian-style outfit, comprised of a black and white-trimmed frilly dress with poofy shoulders, a wide, wavy skirt reaching down to above her knees, fishnet sleeve-gloves, and a large, white, bat wing-shaped bow around her waist. She also wears black slippers on her feet. Her face usually quite expressionless, though she does make very understated facial expressions if one were to look closely. Geno is a wooden hand puppet with no lower body or legs. His eyes are fully brown with no apparent iris, and he has no hair to speak of. He does, however, wear a jester’s hat with a pointy yellow brim, made of a purple material with yellow stars of different sizes dotting it, complete with three jingling bells. He also wears a purple cloak with a yellow pointy collar, and a yellow design around the torso. His head is round, but his chin is pointy, and though he has no nose, he does have ears and pointy yellow markings on his cheeks. His eyes, the markings on his cheeks, as well as all the yellow material on his outfit, glow in the dark.

-Personalities-
Due to her submissive upbringing, as well as her natural shyness, Molly doesn’t speak very often, not even when spoken to directly. Though, when she does speak, those around her often compliment her on her sweet and soft voice. Instead, she lets Geno do most of her talking, as he is quite her opposite; loud-mouthed and very talkative. He speaks in a tough-sounding, though quite diminutive, male voice. Molly tries to distance herself from others usually, though if she meets someone she likes, she’ll do all in her and Geno’s power to protect them. Geno lends Molly his power because he cares about her and doesn’t want to see her heartbroken, though he seldom likes the people she likes, too. Geno himself is otherwise much less caring about others, and has a short temper. He also has a tendency to speak without thinking, as well, and loses a lot of arguments he himself starts.

-Molly's Background-
Molly was originally the daughter of a wealthy family in Negav. Forced into subjugation and raised to know her place, she spoke only when addressed, and wore what she was told to wear. She often saw other children playing freely in the streets and yards of Negav from the windows in her room, where she chose to spend most of her time. If not in her room, she was with her mother and/or father, keeping up appearances and impressing strangers. Needless to say, she wasn't fond of the life she had, and yearned for freedom. There was one thing that gave her consolation, however: her mother would take her to a toy store in Negav on a regular basis. There was a very interesting puppet that had caught Molly's attention time after time; it was Geno. Molly would take him from his place on the shelf, and whisper her woes into his ear. Eventually, Molly saved up enough money in secret from the small allowances she was given to buy Geno herself. She put him on her hand, and suddenly felt a strange sensation come over her. Then she heard his voice, which said, "Thanks for freeing me from this life of misery, sitting on a shelf all day and night. Now let me free you from your life of misery as well.” Together, Molly and Geno left the toy store behind and headed out of Negav. Geno used his powerful magic to shield them from predators as they journeyed around in search of a suitable home, and they eventually arrived at Evernight Forest. Feeling that it was the perfect place to hide from the rest of the world, they decided to make the forest their new home.

-Geno's Background-
Geno himself is actually the 547 year-old spirit of a powerful mage. He once inhabited a human body on another world, and when he got old, he decided to attempt a forbidden spell that would transfer his soul into a younger body, thus giving him immortality. Unfortunately for him, through sheer coincidence or as punishment from the gods of that world, his soul was transferred into a puppet instead. After this incident, somebody found him, and thinking him a lifeless puppet, decided to sell him. He was bought by a talented puppeteer, and during his time with the puppeteer Geno gradually found control of his new body. Realizing that due to the accident, his soul would eventually die without sustenance for itself, Geno took to using his magic to gradually drain the soul of the man who used him, and once the man died, which appeared to be of natural causes, he found himself in the possession of another owner. Geno repeated the process for hundreds of years, living in the prisonous body of a puppet, until he wound up in the toy store in Negav, which is where his fate met Molly’s.

-Abilitieses-
Despite now being with Molly, Geno still needs sustenance for his soul, but due to the connection he made with the little girl, he doesn’t want to drain her soul and kill her before she’s even gotten to live her life. Therefore, Geno took it upon himself to teach Molly how to eat another person’s soul, using his help, of course. The method involves Geno using a variation of the soul transfer spell which put him in the puppet to pull the soul from their prey’s body, bring it over to Molly, and stuff it down her gullet. This method replenishes portions of Molly’s soul and allows Geno to continue draining it to live, though Molly herself still needs real food. This fact makes the two of them a dangerous predator, despite their small stature in the world, and Molly can eat the soul of anything from beasts in the forest to giant predators. However, in order for it to work their prey needs to be stationery for at least three minutes. They usually accomplish this using a binding spell; giant predators might easily be able to break the binds through strength alone. Aside from this power, Geno also knows many other spells that he uses to defend Molly and himself, though he has a particular soft spot for fire magic, and he can use both his own mana and that of Molly to fuel his magic. Geno's little puppet cloak is enchanted to guard against fire, making sure that Geno's wooden body can't be set on fire and damaged, especially by his own spells. Molly herself is a quite skillful dancer, due to being forced to take lessons by her parents. She takes care of all the movement for the pair. Their main weakness comes from their strength; if they are separated from each other, they become exponentially weaker. If one of them is captured, the other can easily be made to surrender. Molly and Geno must be in sync in order to perform to the best of their abilities. This presents certain weaknesses as well, such as if Geno attempts to cast a spell that Molly does not wish him to cast, it will come out much weaker than it would have been if they had both been focused on casting it. The same event will result if each of them tries to cast a different spell, which doesn't happen often, but if they get too shaken up or confused it's very possible. It should be noted that Geno is immune to psionic abilities affecting one's mind or muscles, heart, etc. because technically he possesses none of those things in his puppet body; his life and all of his non-physical being is contained within his soul bound to the puppet.

I like this them! They seem really unique, and interesting/a bit creepy
Especially the rumors suronding them, I like that, I see potential in them.

P.S. You miss spelled Height:

space_samurai wrote:

P.S. You miss spelled Height:

Thank you. Corrected.

Okay, I've uptaded Molly and Geno a bit further. I think it sounds a little cliché, personally, but please, tell me what you think! ^_^

Nya, I decided to make this guy a little while ago. Please, tell me what you think! Also, let me know if there's anything you feel I should add to any of my other characters, too, please.


(Edited out)

I've shortened Nyaha's bio to around three paragraphs, as I noticed many of the bios in the wiki are about that length and I realized mine might be too long to be effective. Please, anyone willing to take a look at it, tell me what you think! ^_^

Nyaha wrote:

Nya, I decided to make this guy a little while ago. Please, tell me what you think! Also, let me know if there's anything you feel I should add to any of my other characters, too, please.


Name: Trinius Tordeus Typhos
Race: Neera
Gender: Male
Age: 56
Height: 3"
Weight: 5 lbs
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Light grey
Fur: Brown with light grey spots

Trinius, also known as Master Typhos, is a neera who has lived a good distance past the average life expectancy of a neera in the wild. He is a serious man with a weak sense of humor, however he does seem to enjoy giving out sagely-sounding advice, even if it sounds ridiculous or if he doesn't quite know what it means. As serious as he is, he becomes a carefree party animal when he drinks. Master Typhos is the creator and self-proclaimed (but as of yet undisputed) master of the Three-Pronged Painting Arts, which utilizes three brushes at once; one in each hand in addition to the tail being used as a makeshift brush. Typhos can not only paint ezquisite works of art in record time using this technique, but can also camouflage his entire body when a predator is around.

Well since you were generous enough to invite me to share my thoughts with you I can't see the harm in doing so;

Firstly, he is all out of proportion. Three inch height and five pound weight would make him morbidly obese for his size. Have you ever picked up the average mouse? I will bet you money that it does not weigh five pounds. If it does you should probably seek a new residence because the local vermin are apparently undergoing rapid evolution and turning into a subspecies of super rodents. This bio as a whole seemed to be lacking in substance, most notably any semblance of back-story which he could've had a considerable amount of given his old age. From this slim base you could expand to elaborate upon what endeavors he has undertaken throughout the course of his life and what experiences shaped him into being as he presently is. It is not informative to the reader to simply state that a character is something. Truly good bios, I believe, need to explain precisely why a character is something, what makes them tick. That is absent entirely here and that is an issue. Furthermore, nearly half of the little bit you did include about him pertained to this awkward painting style he seems to have developed for reasons beyond me. Unless he is ambidextrous I find it difficult to believe that he can wield two paint brushes simultaneously without making some serious artistic errs. Also, I wasn't of the impression that tails were prehensile to the extent of being able to grasp and utilize tools in such a way. Lastly, how on earth is painting his own body a viable system of defense? Taking into account aforementioned logical fallacies with the whole idea his job of attempting to disguise his entire body would be clumsy at best and I refuse to believe he would miraculously be able to produce the necessary color palette for every environmental color motif. A predator would need to be deaf, dumb, slow, and blind in order to give him sufficient time to do such a thing. At that point though, the entire idea is useless because it would be substantially easier to just run instead of trying to paint yourself.

Really, work on this.

Thank you for you're critisizm, though you could've made it a little more concise. I see what you mean about the weight issue, but everything else I already know. This IS just a start for his character. It might not ever be finished. ^_^ I say this so that you don't think I didn't read it, and I appreciate you taking the time to say something. To be honest, I'd really like you to critique my other characters as well. Not all at once, though. I don't have the time nor the patience to read something THAT long. XD

(Moved)

I'm highly inclined to question precisely how two giant mermaids wandered into and subsequently became entrapped in a simple fishing net. That is a pair of enormous, sentient creatures with hands and opposable thumbs falling victim to what essentially amounts to a collection of intertwined ropes.With their combined strength and mass I don't think it would have been all too much of a challenge to free themselves if not simply drag the vessel that owned the net down into the ocean. Looking beyond that, how exactly did Zelkova manage to survive on her own with a pierced eye? Having an eye gouged out would produce a good amount of blood. Blood would have attracted other predators sentient or non which would have promptly attacked her. Barring that, it is probable she would have bled to death from such an injury, a process that would've been too quick to allow her to live some odd days much less the time it takes to approach starving.

Additionally, were I to theoretically have my parents somehow taken from me by a fishing net and be miraculously speared in the eye by a falling harpoon, I can provide you the utmost assurance that seashells would be least of my worries regardless of how large of a deficit of attention I had. Was her ADD just so bad that she could forget she was bleeding to death and being nibbled upon by fishes long enough to develop sentimentality towards colorful masses of calcite? If so, it appears natural selection just really wanted this character to die no matter what the cost. Plus, your description of aforementioned mollusk exoskeleton mystifies me. You state it was half a heart and broken down on one side. Was that redundancy or simply awkward wording? The way I got that it would be akin to saying; "Part of it was gone and also some of it was missing" which is very confusing. Also, her likening of the thing to her missing heart perplexes me because were I in a similar situation finding a portion of a heart wouldn't be a concern as I'd much rather be trying to find a replacement eye for the one I lost.

Furthermore, do you know how absolutely improbable it is to randomly find the other half of a single seashell given the vast size of the ocean? Your chances of success are far better playing, say, Needle in the haystack or Hay in the needlestack depending on how much of a masochist you are. Plus, your heart based math is off. If she saw the seashell as a replacement for the missing half of her heart, that implies she already had half of one and thus would have a whole heart as two halves form a whole. The attempt to recover the other half of the partial heart would result in 1.5 hearts which would either give her an amazing cardiovascular system or kill her. My money is on the later.

This could really stand to be improved upon.

Nyaha wrote:

MY first giant predator character. ^_^ I'd like some help with the age and sizes, if nobody minds.

Name: Zelkova
Race: Mermaid
Gender: Female
Chrono/Bio age: ?? / 16
Height (From base of tail): 114 ft
Length:
Weight:
Skin colour: Watery green, lighter hue than her tail
Scale colour: Watery green, darker hue than her skin
Hair: Blond; long, in ponytail
Eye colour: Purple
Other characteristics: Eyepatch over left eye, numerous pockets strapped to tail.

Normally when i make up a characters age and they are giant i normally make their life span at least a century old... but seeing as how yours is about 16 I'd say maybe a little over 60 years old in chrono age. As for length? When you say from base of tail is that from the end of it to her head or is it just from when she has herself propped up on her tail she measures from the ground up to her head that high? Weight I say don't worry about it unless it's vital to some part of her story... though I'm probably wrong there...

If she's 16 human/mermaid equivalent and already 114 feet, how big is she going to be when she's adult mermaid/human equivalent? I'd say make her a bit smaller, since she's not an adult, unless you want her to be much bigger when she's older.
Remember, 40 years is the average time it takes a predator to grow up to their full size. That means there is variance, depending on species and their adult size.
I'd say make her about 35 to 40 years old.

Thank you for your input. By length from the base of the tail, I mean from where it starts on her body to the tip of the fin.

Also Warrior, the seashells have nothing to do with her ADD. I'll attempt to take your words into consideration, but for now I'm ignoring you. ^^; As just about everyone knows, I don't see the use of being realistic in a world of fantasy.

Nyaha wrote:

Thank you for your input. By length from the base of the tail, I mean from where it starts on her body to the tip of the fin.

Also Warrior, the seashells have nothing to do with her ADD. I'll attempt to take your words into consideration, but for now I'm ignoring you. ^^; As just about everyone knows, I don't see the use of being realistic in a world of fantasy.

I can say in all honesty that this is the absolute most idiotic rebuttal I have ever received in all my years of browsing the internet and considering the arguments I've engaged in on this very board that is saying quite a bit. I would give you a medal were I not presently so mad that the heat I exude from my body alone is sufficient to cause solid metals in my vicinity to be reduced to a liquid. You're right about the seashells. They have nothing to do with her ADD nor anything else for that matter really. You seem absolutely intent upon ascribing all your characters some awkward quirk that hardly makes any sense given the context and would be more liable to result in their untimely deaths than actually benefit them in any way. Fact of the matter is, the obsession is poorly justified all around and is made less credible by your odd descriptions. Furthermore, if it is your genuine belief that there is no need to apply logic to a fantasy world simply because it is fantasy then you are essentially telling me that every monstrously overpowered, inane, trash character ever spawned is completely justified by virtue of the world being fantasy. By your own logic, every fantasy writer ever is doing too much in attempting to incorporate some semblance of sense into their novels. That is a very poor argument and I'm being highly generous in saying that about it. It is a cop out on your part, really, to try and avoid developing a good character by defaulting upon the excuse of the setting incorporating fantasy elements and therefor having no need for realism. You may ignore me if you wish, I can assure you wholeheartedly that I will lose no sleep over that, but at the end of the day you're doing nothing but hurting yourself because you are not improving upon your characters at all which defeats the entire damned point of posting them here.

Warrior3000 wrote:

Nyaha wrote:

Thank you for your input. By length from the base of the tail, I mean from where it starts on her body to the tip of the fin.

Also Warrior, the seashells have nothing to do with her ADD. I'll attempt to take your words into consideration, but for now I'm ignoring you. ^^; As just about everyone knows, I don't see the use of being realistic in a world of fantasy.

I can say in all honesty that this is the absolute most idiotic rebuttal I have ever received in all my years of browsing the internet and considering the arguments I've engaged in on this very board that is saying quite a bit. I would give you a medal were I not presently so mad that the heat I exude from my body alone is sufficient to cause solid metals in my vicinity to be reduced to a liquid. You're right about the seashells. They have nothing to do with her ADD nor anything else for that matter really. You seem absolutely intent upon ascribing all your characters some awkward quirk that hardly makes any sense given the context and would be more liable to result in their untimely deaths than actually benefit them in any way. Fact of the matter is, the obsession is poorly justified all around and is made less credible by your odd descriptions. Furthermore, if it is your genuine belief that there is no need to apply logic to a fantasy world simply because it is fantasy then you are essentially telling me that every monstrously overpowered, inane, trash character ever spawned is completely justified by virtue of the world being fantasy. By your own logic, every fantasy writer ever is doing too much in attempting to incorporate some semblance of sense into their novels. That is a very poor argument and I'm being highly generous in saying that about it. It is a cop out on your part, really, to try and avoid developing a good character by defaulting upon the excuse of the setting incorporating fantasy elements and therefor having no need for realism. You may ignore me if you wish, I can assure you wholeheartedly that I will lose no sleep over that, but at the end of the day you're doing nothing but hurting yourself because you are not improving upon your characters at all which defeats the entire damned point of posting them here.

tl;dr version = teeming with hate and just because something's fantasy doesn't mean you shouldn't be logical about it?

Honestly, people get more touchy about fantasy realism than real life realism. There have been some pretty outlandish things happen in real life and no one seems to question it. Where as you may have a point, relaxing on the necessity of complex details in a fantasy-related explanation would also be perfectly viable.

Look at Nyaha's post. Now back to mine. Now back at his post. Now back at mine. Sadly, his post is not mine but if he employed logic he could sound like he's me. Look down, back up, where are you? You're in an argument revolving around the viability of incorporating logic into a fantasy setting. What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It's a rebuttal with logical fallacies pertaining to that thing you're arguing about. Look again. The fallacies now make sense. Anything is possible when you use logic and not idiocy. I'm on a rant.

No but really look at your post too. Keyword "complex" in "complex details". Stating flatly that the character would have, in fact, bled to death from such a grievous wound as being stabbed through the eye is hardly overdoing things as far as I'm concerned. It's not even a matter of being picky, it's just that Nyaha has a plethora of obvious things that don't make sense. That post was a poor defense to a poor argument.

I have to say, I was speaking in anger myself, and I apologize to Warrior for that. I know what you mean, there should be logic in fantasy, at least to an extent. However, I won't stand for someone putting down my characters quirks. That's what makes them interesting and fun to write or roleplay with. If you have a problem with that, take it up with yourself, because I don't want to hear it. Again, I apologize for my short-sightedness.

Now, as for the eye wound, what would make that survivable? People throughout history have lost eyes and been able to live through it; two that I can name off the top of my head. I need you to help me; what would make it more realistic?

As for the seashell obsession, that has to do with her mental state of mind. It's something that gave her enough hope to go on with her life, and over time turned into an obsession. I personally don't see a problem with this, but if there's anything you can suggest to make it better, I would very much like to hear it.

Also, Warrior, I don't want to sound like you.

First off, interesting is a subjective term. I am inclined to wonder who it is you are roleplaying with that finds absolute nonsense passable let alone fun because I certainly do not and nor do the vast majority of individuals I have roleplayed with in the past. Perhaps it is entertaining to you for whatever reason but should you continue to voluntarily ignore all advice you could utilize to improve your characters they, as well as your roleplays by extension, shall never rise above the level of mediocre. If you are truly content with said mediocrity then you have essentially admitted complacency and there is no reason for further expenditure of time or energy on my part with this matter. However, I am quite bored so I shall entertain this discussion a bit longer because it pleases me to do so.

As for your second point; People throughout history haven't been adolescent marine creatures with no access to any form of medical care. Given the proportions involved a harpoon through the eye would be akin to an arrow piercing the eye of a person. Should it not have pierced sufficiently deep to actually kill her outright the immediate and extreme pain could have resulted in loss of consciousness. Barring that, as I have stated the blood loss would have had the potential to kill her in itself or caused death due to the side effect of drawing in a myriad of vicious predators interested in picking off an easy meal. To be cantor it is bordering upon impossibility for that to have been survivable for her but because you are so intent upon clinging to your precious character quirks in spite of how much sense they lack I suppose you'll just reciprocate to this with immaturity and completely tune it out.

The seashell thing actually had the potential to turn out decently but the way you worded it was just so awkward that it didn't seem credible. Had she perhaps kept a seashell as a memento of her parents or something then I would've been satisfied with it but the whole heart comparison you made was simply confusing and didn't seem to relate to anything else at all. In spite of the fact that your asking for a suggestion with this sounded almost cynical this is a genuine response and I believe it would make it far better. Of course, judging from established patterns here you may not even do yourself the service of reading this.

Quote :

Also, Warrior, I don't want to sound like you

Nobody is perfect.

Okay. No access to medical care. That's a good point that I overlooked....Perhaps if said medical care were to also have fallen from the ship? Do you think that would work? Loss of conciousness...the attraction of predators, yeah that would be a problem. But it's not like she and her parents don't have friends in the sea, and more than likely, her parents would've let out a sort of distress signal-sound, and as someone once told me, sound carries for miles underwater, so that would likely have attracted friends of theirs, which could in turn fight off predators who have been attracted by the blood, used the medical supplies dropped from the ship to patch up her eye and stop the bleeding, and gotten her to a safer location before any other predators show up. Do you think that works better?

The shell comaparison is confusing. Okay, I'll admit I have a confusing way of wording things. I don't want it to just be a memento of her parents, though, either. I'll try to sort out the wording before I go ahead and change its meaning.

This is my newest character, and my first snow leopard neko character. Please, as much feedback as possible!

Snow leopard nekos are here: http://tanoshiiatsu.deviantart.com/art/Snow-Nekos-Updated-291027201

Name: Taihaku
Race: Snow leopard neko
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Height: 5'2"
Skin: Pale white
Hair: Blond, long when not hidden
Fur: White, dotted with black circles
Eyes: Blue, appear grey in snowy weather
Predation: Unwilling
Food Category: 0-3 inches. Prefers: N/A

-Appearance-
Taihaku is a snow leopard neko from Imoreith Tundra. She wears a hooded blue coat lined with thick white fur, navy blue slacks, and grey fur boots that come up to just under her knees. The coat conceals many pockets on the inside, as well as two outside, which are useful for carrying a wide variety of tools, survival equipment, etc. Underneath her coat she wears a white muscle shirt, which fits tightly against her body. The coat, though useful and of great sentimental value, both slows her down and is quite flammable. She took the coat with her as a memento of her people, and seldom removes it, but because it is much less cold in most areas of Felarya, she uses her magic to keep the air around her chilled, so as to not overheat. She has fur in all the places her people typically have it: covering her hands, forearms, and forelegs. When not covered by her hood, her straight-cut hair shines blond and her eyes are an icy blue. When her coat is off, her hair is revealed to be quite long, reaching down to just under her buttocks, and she also has a very well-toned figure, not to mention ample breast size. She wears two gold rings on her tail, one of which is encrusted with four blue gems. Cup size DD.

-Personality-
Taihaku can be described as being cold in almost every way. She speaks very stoically, using full words, avoiding using conjunctions, and sometimes using rather large, complex words. While the things she says are not usually put-downs, they're not often praise either. She tends to speak only when spoken to, and even then it may be no more than a single word. In actuality, this is more due to an innate shyness than a haughty attitude. Even as cold as her personality is (or seems), she, like many others of her tribe, is very courageous, and will not back down from a challenge. Due to having lived most of her life in the tundra, apart from the rest of Felarya, she is extremely curious about the world around her, and will sometimes ask questions that may make other feel uncomfortable. Her inexperience also makes her very easy to lie to and manipulate. She tends to be too judgmental of others, and sometimes performs actions in ways that assert herself as the better person over others, which causes her to alienate a lot of people. Though she doesn't showcase it much, she is a very good cook.

-Background-
Taihaku grew up training to be a fine warrior from a very young age, and it was obvious from the beginning that she had a talent for many things, including language, weaponry, battle etiquette, and ice magic. Being the daughter of the chief of snow leopards, not many of the other nekos saw this as a surprise. As she grew, she mastered many different forms of weaponry, and honed her abilities with ice magic to a fine art. When she was 18 years old, she took a test that would prove her worth as a warrior and allow her to venture away from the tribe and out into the rest of the world on her own, and passed. Nowadays she wanders Felarya going wherever her adventurous spirit will take her, lending her services as a temporary mercenary to gain experience as a survivalist, a hunter, and as a person.

-Abilities-
From chilling the air around her to making weapons of ice with which to defend herself, to making paths of ice to skate across, her magic ability may very well be the coldest thing about Taihaku. Among her most useful and commonly-used magic spells are Gunner Shard, which allows her to summon and fire sharp ice crystals one at a time at a target, which can either pierce, cut, or partially freeze a target, and Freeze Blast, a projectile attack which, if it connects, will freeze her target in a block of ice. She can also create and use a spear of ice, the head of which is usually made to look like a traditional two-dimensional snowflake. The two gold rings on her tail augment her magic ability; one allows her to channel magic energies without the aid of a staff, and the other absorbs and stores extra magic energy from her surroundings for her to use later. Obviously, her main weakness is fire, which can counter her ice abilities very effectively. Another is her slow foot speed. She does become faster if she removes her coat, but doing so denies her access to the supplies and/or artifacts she carries in it, and also reduces her defense. She also doesn't have quite as good balance as typical nekos do, her species having evolved for efficiency of travel over icy plains rather than through trees and branches.


--
"My name is Taihaku. I am the daughter of the chief of snow leopards."

(Edited out)

Nyaha wrote:

This is my newest character, and my first snow leopard neko character. Please, as much feedback as possible!

I'll be doing what I can.

Nyaha wrote:

Name: Taihaku
Race: Snow leopard neko
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Height: 5’5”
Skin: Pale white
Hair: Blond, long when not hidden
Fur: White dotted with black circles
Eyes: Blue, appear grey in the snow

I'll assume she's short because she's from offworld, same reason they've got fur. You might also want to point out where she's got fur.

Nyaha wrote:

Taihaku is a snow leopard neko from Imoreith Tundra.
She wears a hooded blue coat lined with thick white fur, with brown pockets sewn into the hood for her ears, matching blue slacks, and white fur boots that come up to her forelegs.
Underneath that she wears an undershirt and long underpants.
Beneath that she wears a white tanktop and regular girl’s underwear.
She has white and black circle-dotted fur on her ears, hands, forearms and forelegs and tail.
She carries a sheathed sword strapped to her back.
Her eyes are an icey blue, though they appear steely grey when it’s snowy, and her hair is a beautiful long blond, though when she wears her coat, it’s hard to see how long it is.
She is usually found wearing her heavy layered outfit despite being in the warm jungle.
It is a memento from her tribe, and as it’s easier to wear it rather than carry it around, she uses her magic to keep the air around her chilly, to avoid overheating.

If it's specific to this strain of neko, you don't need to point out their fur on the statistics block. It's redundant.
Now since I've read all the way down, I'll assume keeping it cool is child's play for her, even if a little childish. I'll consider it a way to show just how much of a wizard she is. However, if the outfit had some other usefulness, any whatsoever other than sentimental value, you'd be on to something. So why wear a heavy and hot outfit in the jungle? If you can think of a good reason, something that makes it worthwhile to cool the air rather than strip down, you'll have gained something.
She starts too many sentences, too, and too many of them are subject verb stop, sorted in no real order. Try sorting them according to some criteria.

Nyaha wrote:

Taihaku can be described as being cold in almost every way. She speaks very formally, sometimes using big words. While the things she says are not usually put-downs, they're not often praise either. She tends to speak only when spoken to, and even then it may be no more than a single word. She always introduces herself with the following phrase: "I am Taihaku. I am the daughter of the chief of the snow leopard nekos. I am my generation's most ambitious warrior." Even as cold as her personality is, she, like many others of her tribe, is very adventurous and courageous, and will not back down from a challenge. Due to having lived most of her life in the tundra, apart from most of Felaryan civilization, she is extremely curious about the world around her, and will not hesitate to ask questions, even ones that may make other uncomfortable, if it is in the pursuit of knowledge.

Alright, a lot of people speak like that. Me, for instance, in real life. However, her catchphrase sounds less formal and more stiff- if she usually talks in one-words, that sudden break should have a reason. If confronted with that, I'd say she's either arrogant, or increative. In general, such an inflexible register means the speaker has no idea which ones are important and just has to say them all. Consider those possibilities, please.
Now, that last sentence is way too awkward. You might want to rework it into something a little less stiff. Also, there's not much civilization whatsoever in Felarya, just saying.

Nyaha wrote:

Taihaku grew up training to be a fine warrior from a very young age, and it was obvious from the beginning that she had a talent for many things, including language, weaponry, battle ettiquite, and even ice magic. Being the daughter of the chief of snow leopards, not many of the other nekos saw this as a surprise. As she grew, she mastered many different forms of weaponry, and honed her abilities with ice magic to a fine art. When she was 18 years old, her tribe held her generation’s ‘most ambitious warrior’ competition. After one last hard fought battle against a man who was said to be her generation’s strongest, she came out on top, and earned the title of her generation’s most ambitious warrior. Being the winner, she was allowed to leave the tribe and venture out into the world beyond Imoreith Tundra. Nowadays she wanders Felarya going wherever her adventurous spirit will take her, lending her services as a temporary mercenary.

Alright, I suppose that can work as it is. Currently she's the best of her generation, that'll do.

Nyaha wrote:

Taihaku is not only a fierce fighter with masterful ability with many forms of weaponry, but she is also extremely adept at ice magic. From chilling the air around her to creating weapons made out of solid ice to leaving a solid-ice replica of herself in place of an incoming attack, and even being able to create a giant-sized avatar of herself when the need arises, her magic ability may very well be the coldest thing about her. She also carries a sword who’s blade Taihaku forms out of ice whenever she draws it, making it able to be almost any kind of sword possible. Among her most useful and commonly-used magic spells are Gunner Shard, which fires sharp ice crystals one at a time at a target, and Freeze Blast, a projectile attack which, if it connects, will freeze her target in a block of ice.

Alright, then, we don't have much of that. The giant replica does strike me as somewhat odd, though, and so do the solid ice replicas of herself. I can tell it was an aesthetic choice though and I won't fault you for it.

Overall, there's not much I see as really wrong here- but you might want to still work on it a bit more.

Thank you for your feedback. I have worked out some ideas already.

I've gone ahead and updated the bio for Molly and Geno. I've decided to make them a predator, I thought that'd be fun. ;3 Please, let me know what you think.

Their bio is up high on the second page of this thread.