Ishida and Agate: Felaryan adventures

Hello, everyone, it's mossagateturtle, new here

I want to ask for help how to improve this chapter of my Felarya fanfic:
you can find it on my Deviantart page, Ishida And Agate: Felaryan Adventures Chapter 24
It turned out that there were problems with it, at first I tried to solve myself, I want to ask if there is anything to improve on it now. I plan it as a beginning of a new story arc, in which my heroes goes to Negav in order to save their friend.

facts about this chapter's featured characters

Ishida Yamamoto: the main male character of my story, a 20-year-old human who accidentally dropped into Felarya

Agate Sycamore: the main female character of my story, half elf, half fairy, Ishida's partner and friend

Lucy: a mermaid, friend to Ishida and Agate, formerly human, but transformed after miscasting a transformation spell, still able to turn her mermaid tail into human legs

Black Spark: the new antagonist of my story's new arc, dark elf, mysterious mercenary from Negav, uses black lightning magic

More characters and the previous chapters of my story on my Deviantart page:
mossagateturtle.deviantart.com

mossagateturtle wrote:

Hello, everyone, it's mossagateturtle, new here

I want to ask for help how to improve this chapter of my Felarya fanfic:
you can find it on my Deviantart page, Ishida And Agate: Felaryan Adventures Chapter 24
It turned out that there were problems with it, at first I tried to solve myself, I want to ask if there is anything to improve on it now. I plan it as a beginning of a new story arc, in which my heroes goes to Negav in order to save their friend.

facts about this chapter's featured characters

Ishida Yamamoto: the main male character of my story, a 20-year-old human who accidentally dropped into Felarya

Agate Sycamore: the main female character of my story, half elf, half fairy, Ishida's partner and friend

Lucy: a mermaid, friend to Ishida and Agate, formerly human, but transformed after miscasting a transformation spell, still able to turn her mermaid tail into human legs

Black Spark: the new antagonist of my story's new arc, dark elf, mysterious mercenary from Negav, uses black lightning magic

More characters and the previous chapters of my story on my Deviantart page:
mossagateturtle.deviantart.com

After some reconsideration, I decided to postpone this storyline until I work out Black Spark's character. I think it would be better to continue it with some adventures alongside Ishizu, the neko who debuted two chapters earlier. Maybe in Nekomura. What do you think?

For those who are curious: here is the beginning of my story.

The first day and the fateful encounter

"Where am I?" That was was the first thought of Ishida Yamamoto, when he opened his eyes and saw the green cushion of tree branches above him, that covered the sky. He laid in a bush half-concious and his memories were still cloudy: the sounds of emergency, voices of panicked passengers, the splash followed by a bright flash and everything went black.
"Am I dead? Is this the Heaven or the Paradise?" he asked himself. He got out of the bush and looked around. A shady jungle surronded him, he could hear many noises: the wind was whistling thoughout the trees, insects and birds could be heard, and many weird others such as strange honkings and a loud roar at the distance. Believing that he was dreaming, Ishida poked himself, shook his head and took a deep breath. Nothing happened. He was completely awoke.

"So I am alive, but I must find the wrecks, maybe my parents also survived the crash. They must be somewhere in this jungle." he thought.
Ishida began to explore the jungle, hoping that he can find the crash site and his parents. However, the jungle floor and was full of vines and tall bushes, making him very difficult to move on. Suddenly he heard a growl. Realising the dangers, he hid behind a tree and then carefully looked back. His eyes went big from the shock: the creatures that gave out the growling noise, looked like six-legged, humongous wolves, much, much bigger than a normal wolf. And three of them. Ishida never saw creatures before that they were. He suddenfly became so scared, that he didn’t moved even an inch. Luckily, the wind blew towards Ishida, so they didn’t caught his smell. After an hour, he finally decided to move on as quickly as possible. Beginning to run, he didn’t looked back, just run ahead. After making 100-150 meters, he finally stopped and breath heavily. That was a close call, but the worst was just ahead: all of a sudden, a creature just like the ones before, jumped out of a bush and lunged towards Ishida, narrowly missing the boy. Ishida’s heart raced heavily and his skin began to sweat. He was never such a life-threatening situation before, face to face with a predatory beast. As he kept his eyes on his attacker, while moving slowly and cautiously, he knew that this is the so called „fight of flight” situation. There was no way to escape, as the greenery blocked his path, which could made him an easy prey if he tries to escape. And what about the fighting option? He realised that this one is smaller than the previous ones, so he still has a chance to win. Before he could make another options in his mind, the beast attacked again, but he dodged and delivered a powerful punch into its snout. Taking advantage of the creature’s brief confusion, Ishida jumped into a nearby tree and quickly climbed up. The beast recovered and jumped up in order to reach him, but was unsuccesful. Our hero took a deep breath in relief, but was so scared the he decided to spend the rest of the day and the whole night on the tree. During the day many weird creature were seen: monkeys with very big legs and small arms, lizards that gave out that honking noises and the biggest land turtles that Ishida ever seen.
At night, he could’t sleep: his mind was raced about the weird animals and the place itself. If anybody even could survive the crash, it was sure, that they couldn’t survive the encounter with these beasts! He was able to due to his martial arts skills, but he was also lucky tha beast was alone, was presumably young, inexperienced and was alone. Later, despite his worries and thoughts, he slowly fell asleep.

On the next day, when he wake up, he found one of the lizard-like animals staring at him. he shouted in surprise, which was responded by a loud honk and Ishida fell off the tree, landing on his butt.
"Ouch, that hurts. I need to get out from this creepy jungle. It feels that I would been in an another world." he exclaimed.
As he tried to push himself forward through the bushes, he spotted something familiar. That was a sword, more correctly his family’s katana! He remembered that the katana was among the packages, that they brought with themselves when they were flying to New York. Given new hope, he took the sword and looked around presuming the wrecks should be nearby.
"Hey, can anybody hear me?" he shouted. Nothing. There were even no trace of the wreckages.
"Hey boy, you really want to be eaten?" heard Ishida a feminime voice speaking from behind. He turned around, and found himself before a young woman. She was taller than him, having green hair with red streaks and sapphire blue eyes, which staring  at him coldly. She was wearing a short, backless green dress and has a whip coiled up in her side. The most surprising in her were that she had a pair of translucent dragonfly wings and her ears were pointed.
"Oh what luck, that I finally bumped into someone. Please, could you tell me where the plane wrecks are? I am looking for my parents on hope that they survived the crash like me."  He asked her.
"Sorry, I not know about anything that would have crashed into the jungle. But if someone could survive such crash, there is almost 100% chance that he/she will be eaten by predators or carnivorous plants. The life of a single human values very little in here, Felarya."
"What, Felarya?"  Ishida asked in confusion. He never heard of it before. He had a feeling that he is in an another world, but never thought that it can be real.
"Oh, great! A human from an another dimension"  she thought. "Listen, boy! Consider yourself lucky that you met me. Follow me, my home is nearby. Once there, I’ll explain everything."

Ishida was speechless. He wanted to ask a lot of questions, but tought that it would be safer once they arrives at the weird woman’s home. So he followed the stranger not knowing that this meeting will be a great impact on both of them.

To be continued…

I'll take a look for you. It sounds interesting. What are they saving their friend from exactly

I think I'll completely rewrite the 24. chapter.
New plot: Ishida and Agate gets an invitation to Nekomura from their new friend, Ishizu to visit her there. When they arrives, it turns out that it's now Ishizu's birthday party! (her 20. birthday). And on the top of that, Ishizu and Agate begin to quarrel as the neko begin to see her as her love rival for Ishida!

what do you think of it?

Go to Nekomura!

It was a bright, sunny day. The sky was blue, only with a few clouds. As Ishida looked around from the top of their tree, he could see the greeness of the vast jungle streching towards the horizon. He remembered back all the happenings he went trough since he came to Felarya: his meeting with Agate, their first hunt, the visit at Safe Harbor, their first big adventure with finding Agate's father, befriending some fairies and seeing the magnificent Fairy Pond. And of course, the all kind of new friends. Would he imagined before that he will be friends with a mermaid, a fairy or a neko? Probably not.

The boy closed his eyes as he enjoyed the light breeze touching his body. But then, he heard something similar to wingbeats. He opened his eyes and saw a harpy soaring high on the sky.
"I think it's time to leave before it spots me." he said to himself.
He left the top and began to descend down. As he was moving through the branches, he occisionally glanced back to see if the harpy spotted him, but luckily not.
"So here you are." Agate said, as she appeared before her partner. "I have news."
"What kind of news?" Ishida asked curiously.
"I found this letter by the window. It says that we are invited to Nekomura to visit her."
"It's from Ishizu, no doubt. I was always pondering, how could Nekomura look like. All I know about this it's a neko village in the Southern part of the Tolmeshal Forest."
"Right. I assume we should accept the invitation, as it is rude to decline from a friend, but I'm a bit worried."
"Why? Ishizu seemed to be a friendly person. Or it has to do with the other nekos?"
"Yes. As I know, the relationship between nekos and humans aren't the best. It has a long backstory."

Agate then told Ishida the story of Negav and Nekomura, so he could understand why is difficult for nekos to get along with humans (usually). Ishida also learned about the excellence of the Nekomuran scouts and their great reputation in Felarya.
"When we'll approach Nekomura, we'll surely be observed by some scouts. We must make sure to not like dangerous and give them our best looks.
"Sure." Ishida responded.
"Okay, we'll go tomorrow morning."

On the morning of the next day, Agate woke up to a pleasant melody. It turned out that Ishida woke up earlier and now he was playing on a flute.
"Wow, that was a beautiful melody. I've never knew that you can play music. Why did you wake up so early, by the way?" she asked.
"I was so excited about the visiting in Nekomura, so I couldn't sleep. I woke up early and found myself to be not able to fall asleep again. So decided to skip my time with making a flute and playing on it. I've heard when you play on a music instrument, time will go faster around you. It's really a good activity when you are bored."
"That's all nice, but we must go soon because it's still unsure we would be able to reach Nekomura before sunset. It's almost as far from here as the Fairy Pond."

An out later, our heroes were already on their way to Nekomura. Remaining to stay alert, Agate was flying above, while Ishida examined Agate's map. It was clearly shown, that their treetop house was halfway between Safe Harbor and the river. Furthermore, in order to reach Nekomura, they still need to cross the river. Ishida wasn't concerned: he managed to swim through it when they went towards the Fairy Pond, so it won't be difficult to do it again.

By noon, htey decided to have some rest and eat their lunch.
"Agate, have you ever been in Nekomura?" Ishida asked.
"No, actually. Although I saw it during one my journeys in the jungle, but I kept distance not wanting to get into trouble. I was always a cautious person. That's why I'm a bit worried."
"Don't worry. I believe in Ishizu and I'm sure that we're going to get new friends there." Ishida smiled.
"Oh, you eternal optimist." Agate replied and playfully poked Ishida. "Now, let's get up. We still have a long way to go."

It was late afternoon, when Ishida and Agate reached the river.
"It seems we have to spend the night here before we cross the river." Agate remarked.
"Yeah, I'm too tired to swim." Ishida said. "I'll go and catch some fish for dinner.
As Agate prepared to make up their campsite for night, Ishida readied his fishing rod he brought with himself and casted the line. While waiting for the catch, he glanced over the river. He knew that somewhere hidden within the jungle, there was Nekomura. And he hardly waited to see Ishizu's home with his own eyes.
What further adventures would be awaiting for our heroes in Nekomura? Stay tuned.

To be continued...