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JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: A Werewarg in Felarya Fri May 08, 2009 4:01 am | |
| Alright this is my first shot at a story.
Disclaimer: Felarya, and all related characters concepts, etc, belong to Karbo
A Werewarg in Felarya
Chapter 1 - The Man in the Woods
This a world of monsters.
Felarya
Its a horrific world, filled with creatures that will eat a man as fast a look at him....
Joseph's ears perked up and he listened intently for a moment, hearing the distinctive scratch of scales on bark.
It was his fault really, he had been so excited at the prospect of starting his journal, he hadn't waited till he got back one of his safe houses after checking his trap. He had thought this tree branch, situated high of the ground and giving him a decent amount of cover with its giants leaves, would have been safe enough to write a few paragraphs. And now, thanks to his oversight, something was after him.
Closing his journal, Joseph and sat calmly waiting until his hunter got close enough. It was a naga, he could tell by the smell, female, likely brunette, and considering she was climbing this rather tall tree, probably very hungry. Great. Still he waited calmly, giving no hint that he knew he was being stalked, for all appearances he was simply relaxing in the cool shade of the leaves, completely unaware.
He could practically hear the naga's internal chuckle.
He waited till he could feel the snake lady's breath on his back, the warm mist that had been the last thing so many smaller beings had felt before reaching their end. Well that and the sting of stomach acid of course. Strange, it smelled sweet, oddly calming, it reminded him of some of the sweeter smelling flowers he had passed by as he wandered the Felaryan wilds. Of course some of those tried to eat him too.
Joseph, not wanting to discover if she smelled so sweet all the way down, jumped from his perch at an incredible speed, blurring through the twilight cast by the shadows of the great trees. He bypassed the naga's mouth completely in his decent, and instead hit the forest floor feet first absorbing the force of the fall with his legs. He turned and looked up at his would be devourer. To all those interested she was indeed a brunette, cute too by Joseph's reckoning, with a long braid of brown hair reaching all the way to the blue scales. Well the human half was cute, the long blue snake tail only served to remind him of the danger she represented.
She had ended up biting the tree branch, and was so surprised to find her prey gone that she had let go of the tree. The branch, not nearly large enough to support her bulk, snapped and fell with her, still clutched in her mouth. She hit the ground, and collapsed into a tangled heap with a whimper. Heck, she acted like she never seen a werewarg before!
'Course I am the only one.
Joseph decided that now was not the time to push his luck, and quickly headed for his hideout, a tunnel dug straight into the ground, wide enough for him to squirm into but still to small for most predators to stick their hands, which was the idea of course. It eventually widened out into a small living space, about 7 square feet, enough for him to stand and lie down in, but not for much else, save for food of course, plenty of food he was always sure he had that on him.
Being werewarg has its advantages, such as the speed he had just startled the naga with, his enhanced senses, and of course the strength and toughness to suffer no ill effects from a fall that should by rights have broken both his legs. It came with a cost however, his burning hunger, he had to eat his own body weight in meat a day just to keep up. But the worst part was when his hunger got to great and he'd...he'd...
Come on Joe, just pack it away for know, don't want that sidewinder up there ta' hear ya cryin' like a wuss.
Instead he walked over to a wall and made a tally mark on it, showing how long it been since this particular trap had given up anything to eat.
"Dang that there's a lot of tally marks I reckon," he muttered as he stared at the wall, "Reckon that giant dame's been scaring all the good prey away, ain't seen so much as a duiker all day," he sighed.
If the traps didn't work out soon he'd have to resort to hunting again. Not that he didn't enjoy it, in fact it was pretty much the most fun he had these days to be honest, but it wasn't a safe as the traps. You often get so busy stalking something, you don't realize that something is stalking you until its too late, and boy was it bad when it was too late.
The Naga was apparently poking around above, so Joseph still had some time to kill. His ever present hunger was starting to nag at him, so he made his way to the hatch in the floor where he stored his provisions, when something caught his eye.
There in the dinner plater he had scavenged from an ill fated adventurer's back was a stranger's reflection staring back at him. He still had his overcoat and his wide brimmed hat, but both were much more tattered than before. His beard was rather unkempt, and hung half a foot from his face, bushy as a Kensha Beasts tail. He was clad in skins from various pelts under his overcoat, sewn together in haphazard manner with sinew, giving him an appearance closer to that of a beast than a man.
He was surprised again by the sound of the heavy breathing, as he looked up through the tunnel he had dug to see a giant brown eye staring back at him, apparently Miss Snake-bustle had followed his trail, and found his little hiding spot, fantastic. The eye continued to stare after him the opening of the tunnel, as a, well rather pleasant to be honest, voice came from the naga.
"Come on, the game's up, come on up here," she cooed, "I promise I'll be gentle, I'll make it quick."
"Hmm....naw, I reckon I'll wait it out here instead," responded Joseph, "Heck I brought a book," he finished waving his journal where the Naga could see it.
"Oh come on," she said, sounding exasperated, "I need to eat, I'm so hungry, please?" "Hey what do ya know, so am I! I reckon ya should let me eat you, you'd last me longer than I'd last you anyhow."
Now the naga was getting pissed, "I'm the predator, you're the prey, I eat you, not the other way around."
"Ya sure about that statement?" asked Joseph, and hint a growl in his voice. The naga was taken aback for a moment by Joseph's audacity, but quickly recovered, "Tch...you know I could just start digging you up."
"Jest go ahead and do that missy," Joseph called back to her from somewhere in the hole.
A high pissed hiss emanated from the naga's mouth as she clawed the earth around the hole, only to turn into a yelp of pain as she pulled back her hand which was filled with sliver sized (to her at least) wooden spikes each tipped with a stinging venom. Each packing the scaled up equivalent of a bee sting, her eyes started to water and she quickly started picking the little spikes out of her hand, but kept her eye on the entrance to the hole, ready to snatch Joseph up if he dared attempt an escape.
"Huh, I was figurin' that be enough to stun ya," muttered Joseph, scratching his head, "Naw wait, I fergot, that was some of the old batch, I learnt ta' do it better since then."
"That's it you little punk!" she snarled baring her teeth at the hole, "When I catch you I'm gonna bite your legs off!" and with that threat she grabbed and fallen branch and began digging into the tunnel with it causing dirt to pile into the hole, covering Joseph. The hole started to widen and Joseph had to work to dodge his own spiky traps which were dislodged by the angry Naga's digging.
Usin' a branch huh? Didn't think of that did ya Joe? he mentally scolded himself, And now she's gonna eat ya if yer not able to fast talk yer way out of this one, hmm what do I got on me?
"Wait, wait uh miss....er....what's yer name darlin'?" he asked the naga, yelling at the top of his to be heard above the furious naga's attempts to excavate him.
The naga stopped her digging, her anger forgotten for a moment, "Andry, my name is Andry," she said a little uncomfortable introducing herself to prey.
"Well Miss Andry, nice to meet ya, ya can call me Joe," he said tipping his hat to hole above him. " Anyhow it looks like ya got me darlin' so I figure I might as well give in."
"Really?" she asked surprised.
"Oh sure, heck just put yer mouth over the hole I'll climb right in, ol' Joe knows when he's been beat."
Andry paused for a moment, mulling over Joe's apparent surrender. For all she knew it might be another trick, but if she continued trying to dig him out she'd end up pulping him and mixing his body with the dirt, ruining his flavor. But she could always go back to the stick if he tried to pull a fast one on her.
Andry cautiously placed her mouth over the entrance to the safehouse, and once again Joseph felt her hot breath. Apparently Andry wasn't the best hunter in the world, that or she used mouthwash regularly. Anyhow, Joseph wasn't exactly ready to become her next meal despite what he had said and pulled out a small leather pouch from his belt. He quickly threw it into Andry's open mouth.
The pouch burst in Andry's mouth, spreading its liquid contents onto her tongue. She jerked from the hole, and expression of pain on her face, her long tail going through spasms of pain. Her features contorted, and tears welled in her eyes, before she finally opened her mouth.
"Ugh, that tastes disgusting...." she whined sticking her tongue out and rubbing it with her hands, trying to get the horrible taste out of her mouth.
Joseph popped out of his hole in the ground, laughing and hollering at the spectacle that Andry was making, "Aw, whats the matter darlin'?" he asked with mock concern, "Don't ya like my special seasonin'?" He didn't bother waiting for an answer and ran off, leaving Andry still attempting to rid herself of the horrible taste in her mouth, spitting up saliva and rubbing her tongue.
=================================
Joseph came upon his main hiding spot.
It was hidden under the branching tentacles of a large hydra tree, which to Joseph always looked like a cross between a weeping willow and an octopus. Its long tentacle like vines were easily capable of grabbing onto and trapping any of the great predators and beasts that roamed the wilds, and dragging them to its gaping maw and slow digestion.
Joseph had named it Phil.
The entrance to the hideout was hole dug under one of Phil's roots, and its long tunnel eventually led to several small rooms, and one great one deep in the ground. The great room is the one where Joseph roasted his meals, tanned hides, and performed many of the other acts necessary to on living in the Felaryan forests as a hermit. Of course, it hadn't always been like this....once...
Joseph banished the thoughts from his mind as he approached Phil, a duiker slung over his back. He had managed to catch the thing after escaping Andry. He looked at Phil's vines lying limp and shook his head. The hunger in his stomach roared at him to devour the thing on the spot, still warm. Joseph resisted the urge. He'd still cook food when he could, even if he didn't need to. He like to believe he still hat a least that much humanity. "I see ya haven't been as lucky with the hunt as I have, huh Phil?" he asked, "A pity we cannot share in my kill, but it ain't gonna feed me to well, let alone you my friend."
Phil remained silent of course.
Joseph entered the entrance to his hideout, and set to work cooking the duiker, and preparing the various concoctions that made life in Felarya a little bit easier for those smaller individuals who were easily scooped up by its larger inhabitants. Things that stunned, stung, and of course replacing the packet he had used on Andry earlier, a simple stam root leaf extract, not as flashy as some things he had lying around, but effective and easy to replace.
Finally, he curled up on a pile of hides lying in the corner and laid down to sleep. | |
| | | mdbear84 Seasoned adventurer
Posts : 134 Join date : 2009-04-13 Age : 40 Location : Here
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Fri May 08, 2009 8:00 am | |
| not bad man. Might want to proof it a bit though.
lol be interesting if he ran into my character.
Can't wait to see what happens next dude. keep it up. | |
| | | JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Fri May 08, 2009 8:22 am | |
| - mdbear84 wrote:
- not bad man. Might want to proof it a bit though.
lol be interesting if he ran into my character.
Can't wait to see what happens next dude. keep it up. Thanks for the advice, I'll try to look over it a bit better next time. | |
| | | tamc Helpless prey
Posts : 18 Join date : 2009-01-30 Location : wherever it feels like im suposed to be
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Fri May 08, 2009 6:35 pm | |
| very nice id like to see more of joes adventures ^_^ | |
| | | bigman27622 Seasoned adventurer
Posts : 145 Join date : 2008-01-11 Location : somewhere
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Fri May 08, 2009 9:00 pm | |
| This is a great story. I love your writing so far. I am being able to see these events take place within my head. I can see the actions taking place and this story is actually realistic so i just would like to say | |
| | | Karbo Evil admin
Posts : 3812 Join date : 2007-12-08
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Sat May 09, 2009 1:49 am | |
| This is starting nicely | |
| | | JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Sat May 09, 2009 4:40 pm | |
| Thanks for the compliments, I'll try to post the next part up shortly. | |
| | | JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Sun May 17, 2009 8:47 pm | |
| Right here is the second chapter.
I'm sorry if it's lacking a little in plot, I'm trying to show a how Joseph's day to day life plays out.
The main story will pick up now that he's met the priest.
Chapter 2 - A Use for Every Bit of the Carcass
Joseph awoke with a start, a huge knot of hunger in his stomach, telling him he needed to find food, and fast!
He walked over to the remains of the duiker, little more than bones after he gorged himself on them last night. He grabbed the nearest bone and ate the cartilage off the ends of its ends, before snapping the thing in half and sucking at the marrow. He did this to the rest of the bones in the pile, and felt the all consuming hunger in him slowly shrink back until it was manageable once more. He could still feeling it gnawing at him however, warning him that it would return.
Ya stay in there, I'll get us somethin' to eat in a moment.
With that thought echoing in his mind, Joseph ran out of his dwelling and toward a trap he hadn't checked in awhile. Sadly, that place was in the Forest of Whispers, which was a place where Joseph particularly loathed to go, considering the amount of fairies that inhabited the place. Even as stealthy as he was, that was a lot of fairies to sneak by.
I really don't like messin' with fairies, you can't even tell if they wanna eat ya, or do...somethin' else.
Of course he did have some protection, mainly his anti-magic pills. These pieces of void mushroom covered in wax, keeping the moisture out, and thereby keeping the mushrooms fresh and potent. He didn't have many though, and they only lasted so long. Still with a pocket full of them, he strode,(skulked really,) into the Forest of Whispers with confidence, (or at least a close substitute.)
=================================
Joseph moved though the Forest of Whispers, creeping slowly so he wouldn't be detected y any of the forest's inhabitants most especially the fairies themselves. To do so he moved along the tree tops, jumping from branch to branch as silently as possible. Predators rarely bothered to look above them, a fact that Joseph exploited as much as possible. Even from his perch high above the ground, Joseph could still hear the fairies whispering, in what he could only assume they thought was a hushed and stealthy manner. Personally, it was quite audible to Joseph, and additionally, it scared the crap out of him.
"Ooh look at that elf, I bet she'd taste good, wouldn't she Mab?" asked one fairy. "Yes but that Neko looks, even tastier, just look at her Titania...I just look at the size of her...ham," answered another. The first one giggled, "Oh Mab I can never tell if your hungry, or your....you know!"
Joseph continued to move, but much more slowly, at least they hadn't seen him yet, not that they would.
Reckon those fairies ain't so dangerous after all, heck, they'll never see me up here! Better hurry, I'm starting to get really hungry.
"Hey, what about that human sneaking along, thinking we can't see him? Isn't he adorable?"
Aw hell.
Joseph froze were he was, his hunger forgotten for the moment, before quickly moving inwards on the branch he happened to be on, further towards the trunk, listening to the fairies intently.
"I don't know Mab, he looks a little bit tough, and stringy, and I swear he reeks sooooo bad!"
Joseph looked surprised, and he slowly raised his right arm and sniffed his armpit, before shrugging.
I don't smell that bad.......I reckon its been a few years since my last bath though....
"Well, what do you expect? You'd smell that way too if you spent all that day in armor."
"Yeah, but I've never liked can food to begin with, plus I don't think I could eat the horse as well...."
Joseph sighed with relieve once he realized the fairies hadn't seen him in the first place. Still he kept still and hidden, ignoring the increasing pain in his stomach, waiting for the fairies to move elsewhere. Once he could no longer hear them he started moving again, keeping both his eyes, and his ears open
=================================
Joseph reached his destination without any more close encounters with faires luckily enough. He had passed a few more fairies, but none of them had apparently seen him, or they thought he stunk. However when he did finally reach his trap he came upon an unfortunate discovery, namely that something had sprung the trap, but had seemingly escaped.
It was a large pit trap, twenty feet in diameter, and forty feet deep, with large wooden pikes at the bottom. It was much more extensive than anything else Joseph had built, mostly because the hole was already there to begin with. Joseph guessed that a wizard spell backfired on him or something, judging by the scorch marks in the dirt, not to mention the pointed boots that had been at the bottom, still smoking slightly.
It was currently uncovered, the previous cover lying in tatters at the bottom of the hole. Something big must have stepped onto, Joe new that the thing needed a few tons of weight on it before giving in. He built them that way to make sure that he didn't accidentally kill any adventurers, or anything to small to be worth the trouble.
As he jumped down into the trap to inspect it, he caught a familiar scent, it wasn't blood it was......
"Ichor....this place reeks of tonorian," Joseph muttered to himself as he inspected the trap.
Joseph looked around and found an odd sight, it was a tonorian, alright, but not all of it, just its head, and some legs, impaled by the spikes. The rest of it was gone however, it must of escaped.
"Reckon he tore his own head off tryin' to get free...I'm surprised it was able to get away after that, though I figure it makes sense, them bein' insects and all...I wonder how far...*growl*...forget it I'll figure that mess out later."
Joseph set to work preparing the bounty his trap had given him, strange as it might have been. Rather than bothering to cut it down the pieces of tonorian, he instead simply pulled the pikes they were impaled on out of the ground. He then moved these gory shishcabobs inside a tunnel dug into a part of the hole, which led to a small room similar to his other hideouts, but a little bigger to accomidate larger prey. Under it lay another hole, this one sealed, which he stored any of the leftovers, rare as they were.
Joseph hammered the pike stuck into the tonorians head all the way through till it poked out the otherside. He then set that pike on two other sticks above a circle of stones, with a log in the middle. He took out his knife and picked up one of those stones, and then moved the stone quickly down the length of the flat of the blade, showering sparks on the log. It was soon lit, and the fire started to cook the head.
While he was waiting for his meal to cook Joseph slid the legs off of the pikes they were on, and pried the chitin off with his knife. He saved the shell around the legs as well as the meat itself, he could use them later when he rebuilding his trap, that way he woudln't have to spend so much time chopping trees for wood. When he was finished with that he opened the door leading to the other room, and took the leg meat with him, shutting the door after him.
This room was filled with mismatched jars on one side and nails on the other, a few pieces of jerkey hanging on the nails. Joseph reached over and grabbed one of these, ripping it off of the nail. He shoved it into his mouth and chewed, the meaty treat lessening the roar of his hunger. After he was finished chewing he swallowed with a satisfied sigh.
"Pity ya can't jerk bug meat, I reckon I'll just have to pickle the stuff," he muttered.
He opened on of the jars, and was met with the salty scent of brine. Joseph then started slicing pieces of the meat and sticking them inside of the jar. After he filled the jar he placed it back among the other and opened another jar and began filling it with strips of tonorian meat as well. By the time he was done he had ten jars full of leg meat. While admiring them, Joseph felt the roar of his hunger return, and could smell that the tonorian's head was almost done.
"Hope it doesn't taste too bad," Joseph grumbled as he climbed out of his storage room.
=================================
Joseph stretched as he woke up, blinking at the dim light streaking into his dwelling, the chitinous shell of the tonorians head lay a few feet away from him, now completely empty. The fire was snuffed but the log was still there, apparently untouched by the flames. Closer examination would reveal that is was a log from an everburning tree. Joseph had gone to a bit of trouble to acquire a couple of those for his hideouts, but they ended up saving time in the end, as he no longer needed to get any more firewood.
He'd need it too to reset the trap, and what he had gotten off the Tonorian, was not enough to last him long enough for the rebuilding process. He would have to find another source of food in the meantime or he'd have to abandon this trap. Considering it was in the Forest of Whispers, that might not be a bad idea to begin with...
"Can you believe this guy Mab?"
"I know Titania I can't believe him...he's so silly."
Joseph, gulped and looked around remembering those voices, but then, unexpectedly, he heard a third one, a male one, and elderly, the last bit being extremely rare in Felarya.
"Please ladies, let a me be, I have an important task ahead of me you wouldn't impede a man of the cloth would you?" said the new voice.
Man of the cloth? What's a priest doin' all the way out here?
"I don't know would we harm a priest, Mab?"
"I think we would Titania."
Joseph started climbing up the side of the pit, and peered out towards the voices. There were two fairies, still only a few inches tall each, they were both blond, with wings similar to butterflies, as alike as twins, from this perspective at least. In front of them was man in his later middleages, dressed all in black with a small silver circle on a necklace around his neck. Joseph didn't recognize the symbol, or what god he worshiped but the man was definitely a priest, or stole a priest's clothes at least.
"If you ladies insist on devouring me, then I will pray for your souls," the priest said kneeling.
"Oh your such a sweetie," one of the fairies said laughing, "Isn't he just a sweetie, Mab?"
"How would I know? I haven't tasted him yet Titania" giggled the other.
"Oh Mab! That's such a naughty thing to say!"
The fairies began circling the poor man, pulling at his clothes, grabbing at the symbol around his neck, and otherwise acting in the manner fairies always did with their prey, joking all the way to their stomach. The priest just sat there in silence, eyes closed, mumbling a prayer under his breath, seemingly resigned to his fate. The fairies soon grew bored with their games, particularly becaue of the priest's lack of reaction.
"You have any sins to confess first Mab?"
"Not that I can remember Titania."
"Well then let's chow..."
Their was a rustling in a nearby bush.
"What was that Mab?"
"I don't know, maybe we should check..."
Suddenly a tonorians head burst from the bush blackened as if it had been burned in the fires of hell. Its features twisted in the perfect expression of pain, and stained with out juices, as if it had devoured it own kind! But worse were its eyes, cold and lifeless, staring deep into the very cores of their beings! The fairies trembled in fear. But then the tonorian did the most frightening thing of all, it spoke!
"Uh...grrr....I'm a gonna eat ya! Ooga booga booga!"
And that was the last straw for the fairies. They took of their wings blurring with their haste to get away from this wretched spectre of death and destruction. Their screams echoed throughout the the Forest of Whispers, momentarily drowning out the the nigh ominpresent whispers. For a long time the echoes of their cries could be heard, but eventually they faded, and the whispers returned.
The tonorian head turned to the Priest, who was still mumbling a prayer under his breath, he suddenly looked up and stood, before calling out to the monstrous abomination in front of him.
"Thanks for the help kid, I think you can take that thing of now."
The tonorian's head fell away revealing Josephs own, gasping for breath.
"Crimmeny, and I figured those things smelled bad on the outside."
He looked around for a bit before laughing.
"Hahaha, stupid fairies. I can't believe they fell fer that!"
Last edited by JohnDoe on Thu Jun 11, 2009 1:36 am; edited 1 time in total | |
| | | mdbear84 Seasoned adventurer
Posts : 134 Join date : 2009-04-13 Age : 40 Location : Here
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Sun May 17, 2009 9:28 pm | |
| nice. Quite a creative way to handle fairies. Keep it up, man. | |
| | | Karbo Evil admin
Posts : 3812 Join date : 2007-12-08
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Mon May 18, 2009 2:11 am | |
| That was fun You described nicely the place I think ^_^ | |
| | | vegeta002 Hero
Posts : 1057 Join date : 2008-08-01 Age : 35 Location : Wandering around Felarya
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Tue May 19, 2009 7:16 am | |
| That bit with the fairies was beautiful. | |
| | | JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:13 am | |
| Chapter 3 - Beware Info Dump Ahead!
Joseph kicked the tonorian head turned back to the Priest. He was definitely somewhere in his forties, or his world's equivalent anyways. He had short gray hair and was clean shaven, revealing a long scar on his left cheek. However, despite this his black clothing hid a frame that suggested he was man more suited to a battlefield than a pulpit.
"Alright Padre, what the heck are ya doin' here? Don't ya know where ya are!"
"Yes, this is Felarya, a very dangerous plane w–" answered the Priest.
"No," interrupted Joseph, "This here is Fel–wait a minute...ya know where you are?"
"Of course."
"So....ya came here on purpose?"
"Yes."
"Why in the Sam Hill would ya want ta' come ta' a place like this?" asked Joseph angrily, "This place is a veritable deathtrap, definitely not a place to do any missionary work, that's fer damn sure. Why they way I figure it there ain't no reason anybody should want to come here, work her, or live here, period."
"Then why are you here?" asked the Priest smiling slightly.
"Now I reckon that ain't none of yer concern.....er," Joseph realized he hadn't learn the priest's name.
"Father Smith,"
"Nice ta' meet ya, Smith, names Joseph Stranger....so, back to the point, why in the name of all that is sane did ya come ta' this place?"
"This," answered Father Smith, grabbing a clump of dirt and running it through his fingers, as the particles of dust started to fall from his hands and back on to the ground.
"Ya don't got dirt on yer planet?" asked Joseph.
"No, it's..." started the Smith. "It doesn't matter what it is," Interrupted Joseph, 'There is absolutely no reason to ever come to this place...."
Father Smith just shook his head and smiled at Joseph's outburt "What if i told you that the fate of my country, nay, my entire world, may rest on what we plan to bring back from this one."
"...Err...except for that!"
I reckon that teaches me ta' try an lecture a preacher! Now what am I gonna do with him? I reckon I can't just let him wander 'round ta' git caught by someone else...'cides I might piss of his god or somethin'.
"Alright Padre, why don't ya tell me yer story, but not here, we got to git out of the open. Less ya wanna end up in a fairies stomach."
The priest nodded, and they both descended into the pit, and into Joseph's hideout, Father Smith climbing down with a speed that belied his age. When they reached the bottom, (And Joseph grabbed a bite to eat from his stores) he began his story of the events that would lead a priest of all things, into a place like Felarya.
=================================
It all began, or so the Priest explained, with a war, a war that had lasted a thousand years, whose very cause was lost beneath a sea of bloodshed. Both sides no longer needed a justification for there actions, beyond what their enemies had done to them. As their society developed, so to do their capacity to wage war increase, from swords, and spears, to guns, to tanks and airplanes. And still their capacity increased, until finally the potency of their weapons overwhelmed their world itself, and all was torn asunder by their power.
And it was then, and only then, that the combatants stopped fighting. With both sides nearly annihilated, and the land barren and poisoned, they were forced to give up their own contest and wage war against the elements for survival itself. Eventually a semblance of order returned to there world, and the people no longer had to scramble to just survive. However a new problem became apparent, the very earth of their world was now toxic, poisoned by their own hands. Very little of it was suitable for crops, and the majority radiated a sickness, which slowly infected and killed anyone who dwelt upon it. And this sickness was spreading, soon the entire world would be a barren wasteland.
And so, the remnants of Father Smith's world used what little remained of their resources to send teams to scour the worlds in the hopes of finding a cure for the sickness that infected their world, and eventually they came upon Felarya, and learned of it's healing soil. Believing that they had found a possible cure for the blight that plagued their world, they sent a a team, a of their highest rated scouts, to recover a sample and return back as quickly as possible.
However, that team had failed to report back in time, and the portal, which could only be kept upon so long, would soon close, leaving them stranded in Felarya. Just before it closed, however, Father Smith volunteered to go after them, and attempt to bring back what remained of the team and a sample, or die trying. As the portal closed behind him, he began to track the wayward explorers.
They had run into several dangers, including a pack of kensha beasts which sprung upon them as soon as they entered the world, explaining why they had strayed from the Portal. Later a few had been picked off by harpies before the rest drove them off. But the most prevalent of these dangers were two centaurs, whose tracks repeatedly intermingled with those of his countrymen. They had managed to give the centaurs the slip as they entered the Forest of Whispers, but just before the fairies had accosted him Father Smith saw that the u-shaped imprints of the centaurs' hoofs were once again following the trail left by the lost team, and by his guessing, they would catch up with them soon.
=================================
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Private Staine ran through the undergrowth cursing his luck. Why did those two centaur's, one male, and one female, keep stalking him and his partner? He could understand some tenacity, but those things had been after him and Sally for days! Weren't their other people they should be eating? Everyone else except for him, and Private Sanders had already been eaten, even the Colonel! He could still remember his buddy Simon as one of the harpies tossed him into her throat gulping him down like...like...
Thud. Thud. Thud.
There was no time for that now however, those things had spotted him and he had only seconds to escape. Luckily he had spotted a hole in a tree just big enough to squeeze through, if he could get there in time, he could wait it out till they got hungry and left. He only had a thirty feet left before he made it! He was so close!
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Fifteen feet!
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Ten Feet! But they were getting closer, he put on an extra burst of speed.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Five Feet, he was going to make it!
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Staine dove towards the hole, there was a loud cracking sound, and then darkness overtook him.
=================================
The two centaurs stopped short and peered down and the small human at their feet. He had inexplicably into the side of a tree, hitting his head against the edge of a hole, and knocking himself out cold. The male picked up the unconscious human and presented him to the female, "Well we got the first one, Hippolyta."
Chiron spoke up "Yes, he said we needed both, but he didn't say we had to eat them at the same time, and you haven't had anything to eat in days, Lyta."
Staine started to move again in Chiron's hand, coming to and looking around groggily as Hippolyta gave in, "Fine, but what about you?"
"Nothing for me until we catch the female, now open up dear," finished Chiron as he lifted the semi-conscious above her. Hippolyta closed her eyes and opened her mouth as Private Staine was dropped in. Staine finally realized his situation as he fell and screamed as he dropped into the dark oblivion of the female centaur's mouth. With a final gulp he was gone.
Hippolyta giggled as the man tickled her throat on his trip to her stomach. She soon found herself yawning however, and turned to Chiron, blinking her eyes. Apparently even a meal as small as that one made her sleepy.
Chiron laughed at Hippolyta's state, "Go ahead and take a rest dear, I'll try to track the female while you sleep."
To tired to argue, Hippolyta layed down by the tree that the Private had tried to jump into earlier and quickly nodded off, snoring lightly.
Chiron bent down and gave Hippolyta a kiss on her forehead. After a short moment of lingering he stood up and began searching the ground for any clue he could find to the female's whereabouts. He found little however, this female was apparently very good at covering her tracks. Instead he kneelt down (a tricky thing to do when you lower half is a horse) and closed his eyes, relying on his inner senses. With a little magic, he'd find his prey soon enough. And then.....bliss.
A pair of eyes watched the two centaurs from the undergrowth, before quickly and silently disappearing.
=================================
Joseph sat and contemplated all that Father Smith had told him, mulling it over in his mind as he ate some more of the Tonorian, "Hmm, well if that ain't the second strangest story I ever heard," he said at last. "Looks like ya got some work ahead of ya padre, ya gotta get to these people, and find a way to get them out of here., how ya gonna do that all by yourself?"
"Well, I was hoping that you'd assist me," admitted Father Smith, "I don't think I can do it on my own..."
"I...reckon I could...do you know where their trail is?"
The priest smiled and pulled out a small device, with a screen and a few buttons and knobs. He pressed one, and a small map appeared on the screen, with two dots. "This one is us, and that's any survivors over there."
Joseph looked at the map for a moment, "That's a two day hike from here, Padre, at least at your speed it will be. We can stop here, where I have another hideout and hopefully some food trapped."
And hopefully Andry ain't still there.
"After that, I reckon we can meet up with any of the survivors, and walk another day to here, to this powerful big gate over here," pointed out Joseph, as he did traced the path on the screen, he was surprised to find a line left were he had touched it, marking the trail they needed to take.
Father Smith nodded his head, "I guess we better leave now then."
Joseph agreed, and they started to leave Joseph's hideout. Before they left however, a question occurred to Joseph, "Hey Padre, why did they let a priest go after all those soldiers? Seems kinda backwards if ya ask me..."
Father Smith just grinned, "Because, I've been here before," he said as he began to climb the side of the pit trap, "A long, long time ago." | |
| | | codaman Felarya cartographer
Posts : 1423 Join date : 2009-05-09 Age : 30 Location : No where that you will be able to find.
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:28 am | |
| lovin the story so far.. keep at it... | |
| | | Karbo Evil admin
Posts : 3812 Join date : 2007-12-08
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:38 am | |
| Nice chapter ^_^ The moment with the centaurs was really easy to visualize | |
| | | JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Thu Jun 18, 2009 10:01 pm | |
| I'm glad you guys liked it.
I kinda felt this last chapter was a little...lacking personally, probably why it took longer to write. | |
| | | Jætte_Troll Friend of the Jotun
Posts : 2769 Join date : 2009-02-02 Age : 33 Location : Over There
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Fri Jun 26, 2009 9:40 pm | |
| Hmm, I'm liking this story as well. I think it's an interesting character and way to approach Felarya. Now to see what happens next... | |
| | | JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Fri Jun 26, 2009 9:44 pm | |
| Thanks, I'll try to have the next part up in a quickly. | |
| | | JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Mon Aug 03, 2009 2:10 am | |
| Wow, writing block sure is something.
Anyhow I apologize for the wait, (assuming anyone was waiting.)
Here is the next chapter. Chapter Four - Nightmares and old Acquaintances
Joseph and Father Smith made their way through the Felaryan undergrowth neither saying a word as they did so, for fear of attracting unwanted attention. Joseph kept all of his formidable senses open ready to duck down at the first sight of danger, to run at the the first hint of a glint reflecting off of a naga's tail. To duck and hide at the beat of a harpy's wings. To grab the Priest and get the hell outta Ur-Sagol at the first sign of danger. You know, like a hero.
Luckily for the travelers, their were was no sheen of scales, rustle of feathers, etc. In fact their were no predator's in sight, and very few animals at all, nothing even big enough to kill and eat to both Joseph and his stomach's disappointment. He tided himself over by snatching up starkala bugs, the only edible thing he could get at right now, at least without exposing himself too much. Instead of taking the edge off, the bugs only seemed to make him hungrier. He grumbled silently to himself.
Their better be something caught in the traps I laid out, or I'm gonna have to eat my shoes. It be the third time this month two...I'm runnin' out!
Luckily Joseph was happy to discover that yes, there was indeed something caught in his traps! There were two duikers caught in the snares he had left out, that was enough for him and the priest, or it would be if the priest didn't share his appetite. As soon as they came upon the hideout Joseph set to work skinning the duikers out. After he was finished with this task he brought them down to the hideout to be roasted, but not before setting the hides aside to be tanned.
Father Smith volunteered cooking the duikers while Joseph started stretching out the hides. However the priest was a bit surprised by Joseph's insistence that both the duikers be cooked.
"Are you sure Joe? You really plan on eating both of them?" asked the confused clergyman.
"Ya, I'm sure padre I need ta' eat," answered Joseph.
"You know, gluttony is a sin..."
"Quit with the sermon, and watch the fire, yer burnin' 'em."
Father Smith just laughed and rotated the duikers on the spit, so that the flames licked at the still raw meat on their backsides. He stopped suddenly, mid-turn, letting go of the handle and looking up at the entrance to the hideout. After a few moments he turned and spoke, "We might have a slight problem Joe."
"Why did ya burn the..." Joseph stopped in the middle of his sentence seeing a giant eyeball staring back at him through the opening to his hideout. A blue eyeball that seemed very familiar.
"Hi Joe, surprised to see me?" asked Andry.
Aw hell! =================================
Hippolyta stood before the tribal shaman, Chiron at her side. Behind them stood the rest of the tribe, there to witness the ceremony. Her mother was crying.
"We come together today as a family in order to unite Chiron, and Hippolyta for all time," began the shaman, "In the ancient, and most holy rites of our people, since the dawn of time."
There were a few coughs heard, and from somewhere in the crowd and a late arrival trotted in and moved to the back of the crowd, smiling weakly.
"Yes," continued the shaman shaking his head, "And in keeping with The Most Sacred Rites of Our Culture, I will now mark the stomachs of both of the would be mates, with the ancient and venerable symbols of matrimony."
From somewhere in the crowd a child of indeterminate gender began to whine, only to receive quick smack from an angry parent. The child stopped whining. Now it was screaming at the top of its lungs."
"And in doing so prepare them for their hunt. As you know, you must catch the first male and female prey you can find alone together. If you catch them, and devour them then you will be joined, eternally. If however you do not, then you will have to repeat this whole process again goodbye," finished the shaman heading off to his tent in a huff. He had almost made it all the way through uninterrupted before the child had started crying, kids these days.
Hippolyta turned to Chiron smiling and they kissed slowly. Hippolyta closed her eyes and for one moment she was perfectly happy. And then she opened them.
Chiron had disappeared right before her eyes, but...how could he? People didn't just vanish into the air, leastways Chiron couldn't, could he? Hippolyta turned around to ask one of Chiron's family members if this was some sort of prank, but she saw that the crowd had also vanished. She turned again and saw that she two had vanished from the plains that her tribe called home.
Trees appeared at of nowhere, and various smaller plants littered the floor. Hippolyta was shocked to discover that she had been transported to a strange forest, unrecognizable and totally unlike the one that stood at the edge of the plain, why sometimes she and Chiron would...Chiron! Maybe he had been transported her too!
Hippolyta started to walk around the forest slowly, hoping to find a clue to her lovers location. But the more she wandered, the darker the forest became, and the thicker the foliage. Suddenly her eyes caught movement. She turned.
She could see something rusting in the bushes, something small, prey sized even. She moved closer and peered into them. She saw darkness and then...
Hippolyta woke up screaming. She screamed and screamed uncontrollably for a minute or so until Chiron finally managed to calm her down. "Lyta, Lyta please, tell me whats wrong," he said trying to reason with her, "You need to calm down and tell me."
Hippolyta finally managed to regain control of herself. She breathed in and out, in and out, very slowly for a little while before answering, "I... dreamt about the day of the ceremony, it seemed so real, the events happening just as they did in when we went through it. B...But then..I was in the forest, and there was a rustling sound, like something prey sized. But when I went to check...," Hippolyta stopped here, tears streaming down her eyes.
"Oh Lyta," said Chiron, embracing her and holding her head gently against his chest, "That sounds frightening, but it was just a dream." He touched Hippolyta's chin, and gently raised her head till her eyes were looking into his. "Don't worry, I'm here and I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."
Hippolyta smiled and gave Chiron a small hug, "Alright, I'll be brave, we...better get started looking for the female, and then the ritual will be complete." And we can get out of this forest.
"Now there's the centaur I fell in love with, follow me. I was able to locate our target last while meditating, she's this way."
The two centaurs strode off into the forest. As they left Hippolyta glanced at the shadows within a thicker grove of trees and shivered slightly. It felt so real...
=================================
Joseph stared down at Andry for a few moments, silently berating himself.
Stupid, idiot, I'm a damn fool. Shoulda' kept on going through the night instead of riskin' stayin' here. His stomach growled again, reminding him of how hungry he was. Of course, it was you, just had ta' git hungry, needed to stop and eat, jeeze.
Joseph thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Andry's mocking, "Haha, I got you this time you little morse! No more tricks, I'm not going to take my eye off of you this time! What do you say to that?" she finished laughing.
Joseph shrugged and looked up at Andry. Suddenly his hands blurred as Joseph threw a spike.
Before Andry realized what was happening, she recoiled in pain screaming and holding an eye that felt like it was on fire, "What did you do to my eye? You little psycho, I'm going to kill you."
Meanwhile, Joseph had taken this opportunity to make a run for it. Can't just run away. Gotta lead her away from the Padre, he realized, That...ain't gonna be easy. Joseph watched as Andry flailed and writhed on the ground for awhile before she managed to pull that relatively small spike out of her eye.
"Dang he got away, I guess I'll just have to eat the other one," she sulked while rubbing her eye, "When I get my hands on that little....!"
"Howdy Andry, ya lookin' fer me?"
Hearing Joseph's voice Andry slowly turned around, revealing one of the most frightening things Joseph had ever seen in his life. And that was saying something. Andry's normally pretty face was twisted into an expression of pure rage, her teeth bared revealing small snakelike fangs in place of canines. But worst of all was her wounded eye, which was blood red and staring right at him.
Joseph managed to dodge Andry's first lunge towards him rolling out of the way as she leapt towards the spot where he had been, crashing onto the forest floor, kicking up mud and rocks the size of Joseph's head. When Andry picked herself up her face was covered in mud and a small bush was plastered to her cheek.
Seeing this Joseph couldn't help but laugh at the naga, "Ya ain't very agile are you darlin'?" he sniggered.
Andry lunged again, and Joseph dodged again, laughing and mocking her. This made her even angrier and she dove for her tiny tormentor again and again, but always just missed him, embarrassing herself and leaving her open to whatever taunt he would make this time.
Joseph on the other hand was having the time of his life, in fact even his hunger didn't seem to pain him too much anymore. "Ya should just give up scale hips, ya aint' gonna catch me," he laughed.
Andry screamed with frustration, "Fine then, forget this!" she said turning around, but as she did so she lashed out with her tail.
Joseph managed to dodge the sneak attack. However, he hadn't been paying very good attention to his surroundings, being too busy with thinking up insults. This time as he landed something gave way under his feet causing him to trip and fall face first on the forest floor. Seeing an opening, Andry dove toward Joseph. Joseph saw the shadow on the ground beneath him, and felt Andry's hot breath once again as it kissed his back. At that point he was sure he was done for.
However, instead of being gobbled alive Joseph heard a sudden cracking sound above him and a large thumping sound as Andry hit the ground next to him, her massive head landing only inches away. Joseph quickly got up to see Andry, knocked unconscious, a large bump forming on her forehead.
Puzzled he looked around and saw a large tree only ten feet behind him, with a large dent in it.
Ha wounded eye, no depth perception. | |
| | | Karbo Evil admin
Posts : 3812 Join date : 2007-12-08
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:07 am | |
| Great chapter ^_^ Nice action and this part with the centaurs looks interesting << "You know, gluttony is a sin..." hahaha he must become Crazy in Felarya XD | |
| | | JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:40 am | |
| - Karbo wrote:
- Great chapter ^_^
Nice action and this part with the centaurs looks interesting
<< "You know, gluttony is a sin..." hahaha he must become Crazy in Felarya XD Thanks. Something tells me Father Smith isn't exactly gonna start missionary work in Felarya any time soon! | |
| | | JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Sun Oct 04, 2009 3:22 pm | |
| Man I am taking a long time to write these things. Anyhow this chapter hints at the more animalistic side to Joseph.
Chapter Five - Darkness Behind the Eyes
Andry slowly opened her eyes blinking in the light. Her head felt like she'd gone a few rounds with a clobbersaurus. What had happened anyway? She had dove for Joseph and....that's right, she had almost had the little prick! Maybe he was still around here somewhere.
She tried to push herself off the ground, but was unable to move, no matter how hard she struggled. It felt like she could feel the chords digging into her skin, and for a second she thought she was stuck in a dridder web. Frightened at the thought Andry let out a piercing scream.
"Stop that," hollered Joseph, he was irritable, hungry, and his stomach was growling loud enough for even Andry to hear it.
Andry's eyes finally finished adjusting to the light, and she was shocked at what she saw. There were vines covering her body, nearly cocooning it in plant matter. Some were stuck in the ground with wooden pegs while others were tied around trees. Still others were not tied down to anything but simple wrapped around her to keep her immobilized.
Andry started to struggle, trying to snap the fines anyway she could. She wiggled intensely for several minutes before finally growing too tired to continue her struggle. While she could have snapped any single vine with ease, combined they were proving to strong for any amount of brute force to break.
"That ain't gonna work," said Joseph after laughing at the naga's predicament.
Andry roared in frustration, "Just you wait I'm gonna break out of here, and when I do...!" Andry started to wriggle with renewed vigor, this time contorting herself in an attempt to bite the vines off with her teeth. Sadly however, she found that no matter how Andry tried to stretch, the vines were always just out of the reach of her chompers. Apparently that little prick knew his way around ropes, probably was some kind of little sadist, Andry wouldn't be surprised. Eventually she was too exhausted to continue, and collapsed onto the forest floor breathless.
"Well, now that yer nice and civil," Joseph began as he walked into Andry's field of vision, making sure to keep his distance from the captured, but still dangerous naga, "I might as well explain ta' ya how this is going ta' go down. Now you tried ta' kill me twice, and well ya might not realize this, but that kinda has a tendency to piss me off. One time I reckon I could forgive, but twice? Ain't happenin'."
"I ain't gonna let ya go, that's fer sure, which I reckon begs the question of what I should do with ya," Joseph raised his hand in a fist and placed his chin on it in mock contemplation. "I reckon I could cut yer throat."
Andry felt her heart drop into her stomach.
He wouldn't really?
"Your bluffing," she said, managing to hide the fear she felt for the most part.
Joseph laughed, "Yeah, I was just pullin' yer leg," he admitted, "Reckon if I got that close you'd end up swallowin' me anyhow. No I reckon I'll just leave ya tied up here, and let whoever finds ya to deal with yer hide. Who do you reckon it'll be Andry? A bunch of explorers? A pack of Kensha's, hmmm? I think I can smell one off in the distance. Or maybe, just maybe you'll be found by a dridder," Joseph finished before pausing to flash the meanest grin he could muster, his long canines glinting in the light.
"How long do ya think it take one of them to cut you loose?" he asked laughing a little after he said so.
Andry shivered at the thought, as Joseph started to laugh louder.
Finally Joseph stopped laughing, and wiped a few tears from his eyes, "Man, I do love it when the shoe is on the other foot! Er...tail in this case anyhow."
=================================
Father Smith watched Joseph and the naga fight from a distance, ending with the young naga smashing her head into the tree by accident. Apparently she wasn't the most agile predator in Felarya. After witnessing this, Father Smith retreated back into Joseph's hideout and waited for his guide to return.
As he waited he looked down at the tracking device, checking for the location of the remaining scout. The two dots on the device indicated that the scout was very close to them now, maybe a few miles out but was starting to move away. The longer he and Joseph waited to follow her, not only would she be getting farther away, it was very likely that she would be eaten by before they could catch up to her.
I think I better get to Joseph and convince him to eat on the run, hope he doesn't mind that too much.
Father Smith doused the flames cooking the meat, and left the safety of the hideout. He grabbed both of the roasted duikers and lifted them up onto his shoulders, causing him to grunt from the strain. He did manage to lift them though, and once he had straightened up they were fairly easy to carry.
Geeze I must be older than I thought.
As he wandered over to Joseph and the trussed up Naga, he was surprised to hear her screaming.
What could that be about, Joseph wouldn't be..., thought Father Smith, before he remembered just how little he really knew about his Felaryan guide. He started running.
When the Priest finally made it to the Naga and Joseph, Joseph was laughing and the poor girl. It looked like she was about to cry, lip quivering and tears starting to well up. Joseph on the other hand looked...frightening, there was a feral gleam in his eye, and a bit of saliva running down his chin.
"Joe, why are you torturing that poor girl?" Smith asked.
Joseph answered in a voice rougher and louder than usual, "Huh, she ain't no 'poor girl' Padre, I can vouch fer that! She's just a monster, her and the rest of her kind! I ain't giving her more any more or less than she deserves, thats for certain! If you'd cut her loose, and I can guarantee this padre, she'd turn right around and snap ya up!"
Smith turned to the naga and without a word he started to cut her loose. He had only made it through a few of the vines however when he smashed into a tree with great force, nearly cracking a few ribs in the process.
It wasn't the naga that struck him however. It was Joseph his face twisted into an animalistic rage. He was holding Father Smith against the tree, the nails on his fingers, now seeming as hard and sharp as claws, dug into Smiths sides, drawing a few drops of blood. He let loose a bestial growl at Smith, and bared his long, sharp canines.
"Joseph, get ahold of yourself!" Father Smith cried, smashing a fist into his attackers face.
This seemed to get to Joseph, and he let go of Father Smith, letting him drop to the forest floor. The wildman looked to Smith, then Andry, then down at his own hands stained with the priests blood, and finally back up.
"Ta' hell with the both of ya!" he roared before running off, disappearing into the Felaryan undergrowth.
=================================
He was so hungry, he was starving. If he didn't find food soon the change would come. And he didn't want that to happen...for some reason he could barely remember that was bad, wasn't it? Regardless he needed something warm, some meat, anything would do.
Anything at all.
He leapt from tree branch to tree branch as he searched. Finally he stopped, his nose had picked up something below him, something juicy. A kensha beast, a young one, likely separated from its pack during the hunt, or perhaps run off for one reason or another. It didn't really matter, it was meat, and that was all that mattered to him right now.
He dropped down silently, landing on his prey's back. He dug his newly regrown claws into the its sides, and bit into the back of its neck with his fangs. It tried to rollover, to force him off, but his grip was too strong his hunger was too great. It struggled as best it could growling and scratching at the turf, trying to turn its head to bite him, but it could not reach. Finally it collapsed from exhaustion and blood loss, whimpering. He cut that short with a quick bite to the neck.
He ripped into the carcass like a wild animal, feasting like he hadn't in a longtime. Oh he always tried to skin them out, cook them, all these tricks, all these traditions. But in the end this was he favorite way to eat, though he never admitted it.
Within fifteen minutes all that remained of the beast was a few broken bones and a tattered hide. He wiped his mouth and wandered off towards a den he had placed here a long time ago. Settling down in there, he curled up in a corner, preparing to sleep off the meal he had just eaten.
Something bothered him, as he drifted off to sleep. Something important he was supposed to do, why was it so hard to remember? Despite this worry however, unconsciousness took him, and he slept. | |
| | | timing2 Moderator
Posts : 226 Join date : 2009-06-28 Location : Running from a predator
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Mon Oct 05, 2009 1:37 pm | |
| I finally sat down and read all five chapters. You've come up with some good characters here. There were a few places where the situations seemed to come out of left field (the centaurs, for example), but then again sometimes life works that way. My only other criticism is the number of grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes. You can easily fix most of those by re-reading the text (some of them really stand out). They don’t detract from the overall story, but they tend to jar me when I spot them.
You have a knack for inserting humor without resorting to slapstick or contrivances. I laughed when Joseph described the hydra tree and it's method of hunting, then casually referred to as Phil. Another standout scene was with the two fairies where Joseph just knew he was doomed, only to realize they were referring to other prey.
With the addition of the centaurs and their story, along with that of Father Smith and the team he is searching for, and Andry, and the fairies, and Joseph... whew! That's a lot to keep threads to move along in such a short space. You’ve managed to make Joseph powerful, without going overboard. Too many people fall into the trap of designing human-sized characters with infallible intellects, supremely trained skills, and absurd powers capable of dealing with any and all threats. Joseph is highly resourceful and capable, even powerful in his own way. But at the same time he makes mistakes, second-guesses himself, gets in over his head, and all the while he’s fighting to keep from becoming too hungry due to his werewarg nature. That makes for some good storytelling possibilities.
Even though she’s clumsy and inept, I think Andry is my favorite of the characters you’ve come up with so far. She may not be the supreme hunter, but she’s certainly persistent! I just hope Father Smith knows more than the reader in regards to him cutting her loose.
I hope to see more of these wonderful characters of yours! | |
| | | JohnDoe valiant swordman
Posts : 231 Join date : 2009-05-06
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Mon Oct 05, 2009 3:50 pm | |
| - timing2 wrote:
- I finally sat down and read all five chapters. You've come up with some good characters here. There were a few places where the situations seemed to come out of left field (the centaurs, for example), but then again sometimes life works that way. My only other criticism is the number of grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes. You can easily fix most of those by re-reading the text (some of them really stand out). They don’t detract from the overall story, but they tend to jar me when I spot them.
You have a knack for inserting humor without resorting to slapstick or contrivances. I laughed when Joseph described the hydra tree and it's method of hunting, then casually referred to as Phil. Another standout scene was with the two fairies where Joseph just knew he was doomed, only to realize they were referring to other prey.
With the addition of the centaurs and their story, along with that of Father Smith and the team he is searching for, and Andry, and the fairies, and Joseph... whew! That's a lot to keep threads to move along in such a short space. You’ve managed to make Joseph powerful, without going overboard. Too many people fall into the trap of designing human-sized characters with infallible intellects, supremely trained skills, and absurd powers capable of dealing with any and all threats. Joseph is highly resourceful and capable, even powerful in his own way. But at the same time he makes mistakes, second-guesses himself, gets in over his head, and all the while he’s fighting to keep from becoming too hungry due to his werewarg nature. That makes for some good storytelling possibilities.
Even though she’s clumsy and inept, I think Andry is my favorite of the characters you’ve come up with so far. She may not be the supreme hunter, but she’s certainly persistent! I just hope Father Smith knows more than the reader in regards to him cutting her loose.
I hope to see more of these wonderful characters of yours! Thanks for the criticism! Yeah I know there are a lot of mistakes. I give them the once over, but I tend to not realize my own spelling and grammar mistakes even after reviewing them. I'm thinking of going back and cleaning the story up once I finish the story, hopefully the time between writing it and reviewing it will allow me to see mistakes more clearly. As for the sudden appearance of the Father Smith, the Centaurs, and so forth, I agree I could have handled that better. In hindsight I should of probably started off with an introductory story for Joseph, and then the one about his interaction with Father Smith, Andry, and the Centaurs and so forth. As for the power, I'm glad you don't find him too powerful...but I admit that he's got one more trick up his sleeve that some people are definitely going to find overpowered. I'm trying to balance that out however by being something that he'd rather not do, and also by being something that extracts a price when he does it. You can probably guess what it is just by looking at the name werewarg. So while I'm grateful for the compliment, heads up because you might want to retract it later. Though I hope you won't! As for Andry, she'll definitely appear more in the saga of Joseph Stranger. | |
| | | timing2 Moderator
Posts : 226 Join date : 2009-06-28 Location : Running from a predator
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Mon Oct 05, 2009 4:35 pm | |
| I don't retract compliments given. What you've done so far is quite good and if future chapters change my opinion, I'll let you know. | |
| | | Karbo Evil admin
Posts : 3812 Join date : 2007-12-08
| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya Mon Oct 05, 2009 10:18 pm | |
| Woah poor Kensha o.o I was kinda suspecting that ^^ | |
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| Subject: Re: A Werewarg in Felarya | |
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