Nyaha's Various Characters and Creatures

Warrior3000 wrote:

Nyaha wrote:

Thank you for your input. By length from the base of the tail, I mean from where it starts on her body to the tip of the fin.

Also Warrior, the seashells have nothing to do with her ADD. I'll attempt to take your words into consideration, but for now I'm ignoring you. ^^; As just about everyone knows, I don't see the use of being realistic in a world of fantasy.

I can say in all honesty that this is the absolute most idiotic rebuttal I have ever received in all my years of browsing the internet and considering the arguments I've engaged in on this very board that is saying quite a bit. I would give you a medal were I not presently so mad that the heat I exude from my body alone is sufficient to cause solid metals in my vicinity to be reduced to a liquid. You're right about the seashells. They have nothing to do with her ADD nor anything else for that matter really. You seem absolutely intent upon ascribing all your characters some awkward quirk that hardly makes any sense given the context and would be more liable to result in their untimely deaths than actually benefit them in any way. Fact of the matter is, the obsession is poorly justified all around and is made less credible by your odd descriptions. Furthermore, if it is your genuine belief that there is no need to apply logic to a fantasy world simply because it is fantasy then you are essentially telling me that every monstrously overpowered, inane, trash character ever spawned is completely justified by virtue of the world being fantasy. By your own logic, every fantasy writer ever is doing too much in attempting to incorporate some semblance of sense into their novels. That is a very poor argument and I'm being highly generous in saying that about it. It is a cop out on your part, really, to try and avoid developing a good character by defaulting upon the excuse of the setting incorporating fantasy elements and therefor having no need for realism. You may ignore me if you wish, I can assure you wholeheartedly that I will lose no sleep over that, but at the end of the day you're doing nothing but hurting yourself because you are not improving upon your characters at all which defeats the entire damned point of posting them here.

tl;dr version = teeming with hate and just because something's fantasy doesn't mean you shouldn't be logical about it?

Honestly, people get more touchy about fantasy realism than real life realism. There have been some pretty outlandish things happen in real life and no one seems to question it. Where as you may have a point, relaxing on the necessity of complex details in a fantasy-related explanation would also be perfectly viable.

Look at Nyaha's post. Now back to mine. Now back at his post. Now back at mine. Sadly, his post is not mine but if he employed logic he could sound like he's me. Look down, back up, where are you? You're in an argument revolving around the viability of incorporating logic into a fantasy setting. What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It's a rebuttal with logical fallacies pertaining to that thing you're arguing about. Look again. The fallacies now make sense. Anything is possible when you use logic and not idiocy. I'm on a rant.

No but really look at your post too. Keyword "complex" in "complex details". Stating flatly that the character would have, in fact, bled to death from such a grievous wound as being stabbed through the eye is hardly overdoing things as far as I'm concerned. It's not even a matter of being picky, it's just that Nyaha has a plethora of obvious things that don't make sense. That post was a poor defense to a poor argument.

I have to say, I was speaking in anger myself, and I apologize to Warrior for that. I know what you mean, there should be logic in fantasy, at least to an extent. However, I won't stand for someone putting down my characters quirks. That's what makes them interesting and fun to write or roleplay with. If you have a problem with that, take it up with yourself, because I don't want to hear it. Again, I apologize for my short-sightedness.

Now, as for the eye wound, what would make that survivable? People throughout history have lost eyes and been able to live through it; two that I can name off the top of my head. I need you to help me; what would make it more realistic?

As for the seashell obsession, that has to do with her mental state of mind. It's something that gave her enough hope to go on with her life, and over time turned into an obsession. I personally don't see a problem with this, but if there's anything you can suggest to make it better, I would very much like to hear it.

Also, Warrior, I don't want to sound like you.

First off, interesting is a subjective term. I am inclined to wonder who it is you are roleplaying with that finds absolute nonsense passable let alone fun because I certainly do not and nor do the vast majority of individuals I have roleplayed with in the past. Perhaps it is entertaining to you for whatever reason but should you continue to voluntarily ignore all advice you could utilize to improve your characters they, as well as your roleplays by extension, shall never rise above the level of mediocre. If you are truly content with said mediocrity then you have essentially admitted complacency and there is no reason for further expenditure of time or energy on my part with this matter. However, I am quite bored so I shall entertain this discussion a bit longer because it pleases me to do so.

As for your second point; People throughout history haven't been adolescent marine creatures with no access to any form of medical care. Given the proportions involved a harpoon through the eye would be akin to an arrow piercing the eye of a person. Should it not have pierced sufficiently deep to actually kill her outright the immediate and extreme pain could have resulted in loss of consciousness. Barring that, as I have stated the blood loss would have had the potential to kill her in itself or caused death due to the side effect of drawing in a myriad of vicious predators interested in picking off an easy meal. To be cantor it is bordering upon impossibility for that to have been survivable for her but because you are so intent upon clinging to your precious character quirks in spite of how much sense they lack I suppose you'll just reciprocate to this with immaturity and completely tune it out.

The seashell thing actually had the potential to turn out decently but the way you worded it was just so awkward that it didn't seem credible. Had she perhaps kept a seashell as a memento of her parents or something then I would've been satisfied with it but the whole heart comparison you made was simply confusing and didn't seem to relate to anything else at all. In spite of the fact that your asking for a suggestion with this sounded almost cynical this is a genuine response and I believe it would make it far better. Of course, judging from established patterns here you may not even do yourself the service of reading this.

Quote :

Also, Warrior, I don't want to sound like you

Nobody is perfect.

Okay. No access to medical care. That's a good point that I overlooked....Perhaps if said medical care were to also have fallen from the ship? Do you think that would work? Loss of conciousness...the attraction of predators, yeah that would be a problem. But it's not like she and her parents don't have friends in the sea, and more than likely, her parents would've let out a sort of distress signal-sound, and as someone once told me, sound carries for miles underwater, so that would likely have attracted friends of theirs, which could in turn fight off predators who have been attracted by the blood, used the medical supplies dropped from the ship to patch up her eye and stop the bleeding, and gotten her to a safer location before any other predators show up. Do you think that works better?

The shell comaparison is confusing. Okay, I'll admit I have a confusing way of wording things. I don't want it to just be a memento of her parents, though, either. I'll try to sort out the wording before I go ahead and change its meaning.

This is my newest character, and my first snow leopard neko character. Please, as much feedback as possible!

Snow leopard nekos are here: http://tanoshiiatsu.deviantart.com/art/Snow-Nekos-Updated-291027201

Name: Taihaku
Race: Snow leopard neko
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Height: 5'2"
Skin: Pale white
Hair: Blond, long when not hidden
Fur: White, dotted with black circles
Eyes: Blue, appear grey in snowy weather
Predation: Unwilling
Food Category: 0-3 inches. Prefers: N/A

-Appearance-
Taihaku is a snow leopard neko from Imoreith Tundra. She wears a hooded blue coat lined with thick white fur, navy blue slacks, and grey fur boots that come up to just under her knees. The coat conceals many pockets on the inside, as well as two outside, which are useful for carrying a wide variety of tools, survival equipment, etc. Underneath her coat she wears a white muscle shirt, which fits tightly against her body. The coat, though useful and of great sentimental value, both slows her down and is quite flammable. She took the coat with her as a memento of her people, and seldom removes it, but because it is much less cold in most areas of Felarya, she uses her magic to keep the air around her chilled, so as to not overheat. She has fur in all the places her people typically have it: covering her hands, forearms, and forelegs. When not covered by her hood, her straight-cut hair shines blond and her eyes are an icy blue. When her coat is off, her hair is revealed to be quite long, reaching down to just under her buttocks, and she also has a very well-toned figure, not to mention ample breast size. She wears two gold rings on her tail, one of which is encrusted with four blue gems. Cup size DD.

-Personality-
Taihaku can be described as being cold in almost every way. She speaks very stoically, using full words, avoiding using conjunctions, and sometimes using rather large, complex words. While the things she says are not usually put-downs, they're not often praise either. She tends to speak only when spoken to, and even then it may be no more than a single word. In actuality, this is more due to an innate shyness than a haughty attitude. Even as cold as her personality is (or seems), she, like many others of her tribe, is very courageous, and will not back down from a challenge. Due to having lived most of her life in the tundra, apart from the rest of Felarya, she is extremely curious about the world around her, and will sometimes ask questions that may make other feel uncomfortable. Her inexperience also makes her very easy to lie to and manipulate. She tends to be too judgmental of others, and sometimes performs actions in ways that assert herself as the better person over others, which causes her to alienate a lot of people. Though she doesn't showcase it much, she is a very good cook.

-Background-
Taihaku grew up training to be a fine warrior from a very young age, and it was obvious from the beginning that she had a talent for many things, including language, weaponry, battle etiquette, and ice magic. Being the daughter of the chief of snow leopards, not many of the other nekos saw this as a surprise. As she grew, she mastered many different forms of weaponry, and honed her abilities with ice magic to a fine art. When she was 18 years old, she took a test that would prove her worth as a warrior and allow her to venture away from the tribe and out into the rest of the world on her own, and passed. Nowadays she wanders Felarya going wherever her adventurous spirit will take her, lending her services as a temporary mercenary to gain experience as a survivalist, a hunter, and as a person.

-Abilities-
From chilling the air around her to making weapons of ice with which to defend herself, to making paths of ice to skate across, her magic ability may very well be the coldest thing about Taihaku. Among her most useful and commonly-used magic spells are Gunner Shard, which allows her to summon and fire sharp ice crystals one at a time at a target, which can either pierce, cut, or partially freeze a target, and Freeze Blast, a projectile attack which, if it connects, will freeze her target in a block of ice. She can also create and use a spear of ice, the head of which is usually made to look like a traditional two-dimensional snowflake. The two gold rings on her tail augment her magic ability; one allows her to channel magic energies without the aid of a staff, and the other absorbs and stores extra magic energy from her surroundings for her to use later. Obviously, her main weakness is fire, which can counter her ice abilities very effectively. Another is her slow foot speed. She does become faster if she removes her coat, but doing so denies her access to the supplies and/or artifacts she carries in it, and also reduces her defense. She also doesn't have quite as good balance as typical nekos do, her species having evolved for efficiency of travel over icy plains rather than through trees and branches.


--
"My name is Taihaku. I am the daughter of the chief of snow leopards."

(Edited out)

Nyaha wrote:

This is my newest character, and my first snow leopard neko character. Please, as much feedback as possible!

I'll be doing what I can.

Nyaha wrote:

Name: Taihaku
Race: Snow leopard neko
Gender: Female
Age: 19
Height: 5’5”
Skin: Pale white
Hair: Blond, long when not hidden
Fur: White dotted with black circles
Eyes: Blue, appear grey in the snow

I'll assume she's short because she's from offworld, same reason they've got fur. You might also want to point out where she's got fur.

Nyaha wrote:

Taihaku is a snow leopard neko from Imoreith Tundra.
She wears a hooded blue coat lined with thick white fur, with brown pockets sewn into the hood for her ears, matching blue slacks, and white fur boots that come up to her forelegs.
Underneath that she wears an undershirt and long underpants.
Beneath that she wears a white tanktop and regular girl’s underwear.
She has white and black circle-dotted fur on her ears, hands, forearms and forelegs and tail.
She carries a sheathed sword strapped to her back.
Her eyes are an icey blue, though they appear steely grey when it’s snowy, and her hair is a beautiful long blond, though when she wears her coat, it’s hard to see how long it is.
She is usually found wearing her heavy layered outfit despite being in the warm jungle.
It is a memento from her tribe, and as it’s easier to wear it rather than carry it around, she uses her magic to keep the air around her chilly, to avoid overheating.

If it's specific to this strain of neko, you don't need to point out their fur on the statistics block. It's redundant.
Now since I've read all the way down, I'll assume keeping it cool is child's play for her, even if a little childish. I'll consider it a way to show just how much of a wizard she is. However, if the outfit had some other usefulness, any whatsoever other than sentimental value, you'd be on to something. So why wear a heavy and hot outfit in the jungle? If you can think of a good reason, something that makes it worthwhile to cool the air rather than strip down, you'll have gained something.
She starts too many sentences, too, and too many of them are subject verb stop, sorted in no real order. Try sorting them according to some criteria.

Nyaha wrote:

Taihaku can be described as being cold in almost every way. She speaks very formally, sometimes using big words. While the things she says are not usually put-downs, they're not often praise either. She tends to speak only when spoken to, and even then it may be no more than a single word. She always introduces herself with the following phrase: "I am Taihaku. I am the daughter of the chief of the snow leopard nekos. I am my generation's most ambitious warrior." Even as cold as her personality is, she, like many others of her tribe, is very adventurous and courageous, and will not back down from a challenge. Due to having lived most of her life in the tundra, apart from most of Felaryan civilization, she is extremely curious about the world around her, and will not hesitate to ask questions, even ones that may make other uncomfortable, if it is in the pursuit of knowledge.

Alright, a lot of people speak like that. Me, for instance, in real life. However, her catchphrase sounds less formal and more stiff- if she usually talks in one-words, that sudden break should have a reason. If confronted with that, I'd say she's either arrogant, or increative. In general, such an inflexible register means the speaker has no idea which ones are important and just has to say them all. Consider those possibilities, please.
Now, that last sentence is way too awkward. You might want to rework it into something a little less stiff. Also, there's not much civilization whatsoever in Felarya, just saying.

Nyaha wrote:

Taihaku grew up training to be a fine warrior from a very young age, and it was obvious from the beginning that she had a talent for many things, including language, weaponry, battle ettiquite, and even ice magic. Being the daughter of the chief of snow leopards, not many of the other nekos saw this as a surprise. As she grew, she mastered many different forms of weaponry, and honed her abilities with ice magic to a fine art. When she was 18 years old, her tribe held her generation’s ‘most ambitious warrior’ competition. After one last hard fought battle against a man who was said to be her generation’s strongest, she came out on top, and earned the title of her generation’s most ambitious warrior. Being the winner, she was allowed to leave the tribe and venture out into the world beyond Imoreith Tundra. Nowadays she wanders Felarya going wherever her adventurous spirit will take her, lending her services as a temporary mercenary.

Alright, I suppose that can work as it is. Currently she's the best of her generation, that'll do.

Nyaha wrote:

Taihaku is not only a fierce fighter with masterful ability with many forms of weaponry, but she is also extremely adept at ice magic. From chilling the air around her to creating weapons made out of solid ice to leaving a solid-ice replica of herself in place of an incoming attack, and even being able to create a giant-sized avatar of herself when the need arises, her magic ability may very well be the coldest thing about her. She also carries a sword who’s blade Taihaku forms out of ice whenever she draws it, making it able to be almost any kind of sword possible. Among her most useful and commonly-used magic spells are Gunner Shard, which fires sharp ice crystals one at a time at a target, and Freeze Blast, a projectile attack which, if it connects, will freeze her target in a block of ice.

Alright, then, we don't have much of that. The giant replica does strike me as somewhat odd, though, and so do the solid ice replicas of herself. I can tell it was an aesthetic choice though and I won't fault you for it.

Overall, there's not much I see as really wrong here- but you might want to still work on it a bit more.

Thank you for your feedback. I have worked out some ideas already.

I've gone ahead and updated the bio for Molly and Geno. I've decided to make them a predator, I thought that'd be fun. ;3 Please, let me know what you think.

Their bio is up high on the second page of this thread.

Name: Zelkova
Race: Giant Mermaid
Gender: Female
Chrono / Bio Age: 68 / 18
Length: 210 ft
Skin: Pale, briny green
Scales: Deep, briny green
Hair: Blond
Eye: Blue
Predation: Highly Specialized
Food Category: 3-20 feet. Perefers: seagull harpies

-Appearance-
Zelkova is a mermaid who lives in the Topazial Sea. She has pale, oceany-green skin and scales, blond hair tied in a ponytail with a tuft left for the bangs, and a sparkling blue eye. Her most striking feature is the eyepatch she wears on the left side of her face, made of black fabric and held on by a yellow strap. She also wears a necklace with different kinds of seashells on it, the most noticeable one being a sparkling red 'half-a-broken-heart' shaped shell situated in the middle of the cable. She also wears a pair of animal-hide pockets strapped to the sides of her waist, which she uses for collecting seashells. Her body is toned and of a medium build, appearing perhaps somewhat masculine in the arms and stomach. Cup size C (relative).

-Personality-
Zelkova is, by any definition, a tomboy; her personality would be generally considered exceptionally masculine. She's competitive, aggressive, and also quite vain. She's usually pretty content with life in general, though she can get upset over pretty small things. One thing Zelkova has a love for is seashells of all kinds, and she has a rather impressive collection of them hidden somewhere in the Topazial Sea. Another thing Zelkova loves is herself; she has a massive ego, and likes to test people to see if they're "cool enough to hang with Zelkova", which is a judgement based on arbitrary criteria that the mermaid usually comes up with on the spot. She also tends to be rather violent, towards friends and foes alike. Whatever the situation, she always likes to find a way to have fun, and being around her can provide one with an interesting experience. Zelkova does, however, have a very sadistic and destructive side to her that often comes out when she gets angry (or aroused), which is something that can happen quite easily. That said, she is extremely loyal to those few that she acknowledges as her equals, and will stand up for them in any situation.

-Background-
When Zelkova was little, her parents were kidnapped by a group of unwell-meaning mermaids, intent on trading their scales to humans for rare goods. During the event, Zelkova also lost her left eye to one of the group who wielded a harpoon-like weapon. Friends of Zelkova's and of her parents, as well as her ichthys protector, soon came in response to Zelkova's sad mermaid songs, but by that time the group was long gone. However, they were able to use a certain seashell and some medical supplies that fell from a ship to patch up Zelkova's eye, so that she didn't die of blood loss. Her sadness began to turn into anger, and she began acting out violently, finding that these destructive habits made her feel better, at least for the time being. Some time after the incident, Zelkova happened upon a sparkling red seashell that was in the shape of half of a broken heart, and she saw it as a symbolic reflection of the state her own heart was in at the time. She thought that perhaps, if she could somehow locate the other half of this shell, she'd have a chance of being able to patch up her own heart as well, and thus began her seashell collection. Turning the shell into a necklace, she felt calmer then than she'd ever been. Though, those destructive tendencies still come out when she gets angry. (It should be noted that she does not harbor any ill will towards mermaids as a race, as she understands that not all of them are bad.)

-Abilities-
Zelkova is not a typical mermaid. Rather than using her voice to lure in sentient prey, she takes a more direct approach in attacking any ships, land-goers, or harpies she spots relentlessly. Zelkova does not have the same long froggish tongue that others of her kind have, and to boot that, she knows extremely little magic. However, she makes up for these shortcomings by having above-average physical ability, able to swim very fast and strong and able to jump out of the water and reach incredible heights. She can also punch a hole straight through most types of ships, even a few that have metal hulls. But personal strength alone is not enough to survive in Felarya. Thus Zelkova also makes use of a variety of creative weapons made from bones, corals, and even seashells. One weapon in particular is her favourite: A trident with a staff of bone and tips forged from fire coral, which are stuck on the three-pronged bone staff just well enough that if they pierce a target deep enough, they'll get pulled off the bone when Zelkova pulls back the trident, causing prolonged pain and discomfort. Zelkova has one other skill that makes her especially dangerous; she can move well on land. Using her physical prowess alone, she can drag, twist, roll around, and even break-dance on land, making herself a very deadly predator. Only having one eye, Zelkova doesn't have the best eyesight of any predator in Felarya, and is easily fooled by tricks like camouflage or smoke screens. It is also worth noting that, while she's not typically the brightest tool in the box, she does have a talent for mathematics, and she uses calculations in her mind to judge distance, height, and fiscal values. She typically uses this talent to make up for her damaged depth perception.

-Diet-
Zelkova's appetite is quite large, but can be quenched by many things, including fish, humans, nekos, etc, and even sweet-tasting goop that grows on the bottom of some types of seashells, though her favourite food is seagull harpies, as not only do they taste great, but they provide excellent physical exercise for her. Due to a bad habit of chewing her lips and tongue that she developed as a child, she has gotten quite fond of the taste of blood, and according to her, other people's blood tastes even better than her own. As such, when eating human-size races, she likes to kill them first in different sadistic or sexual ways, and gets quite a large amount of satisfaction from asserting herself as the dominant creature. "Hard vore" is a common occurrence with her as the predator. However, under some circumstances, her prey could prove themselves "cool enough to hang with Zelky", by fulfilling the abstract criteria mentioned earlier. Zelkova is also very open to accepting bribes, and will take seashells in exchange for the lives of others - this is one of the better methods to use to survive her. However, according to Zelkova, exchange rates vary, and some seashells are worth more than others. If you're on land, however, the best thing to do to avoid Zelkova is to camouflage yourself or use something like a smoke bomb or flashbang to damage her vision. If no other options are available, one might also try inflating her already large ego using flattery or bets, but be warned that this method can backfire harshly.

Quote :

Only one rosic neko has played for her and lived to return to the village with one of her seashells, and she played rock and roll for the mermaid.

That definitely got a chuckle out of me.

Nice bio for her.

Name: Mirielle
Race: Felaryan Fairy
Sex: Female
Age: 16
Max/Min/Mode Height: 65'/3'2"/5'5"
Skin Tone: Fair
Wing Style: Beetle
Hair Colour: Dark Blue
Eye Colour: Orange
Predation: Opportunistic
Food Category: 0 inches - 13 feet. Prefers: Humans

-Appearance-
Mir is a rare type of fairy who lives in the Fairy Kingdom. She is rare in that she has the characteristics of a beetle, which includes covered wings and a large horn jutting from her forehead. Her hair is long and unkempt, falling in her face and keeping most of it covered up, in a deep blue colour, contrasted by her bright orange eyes. The horn and her wing covers are also orange, though of a deeper hue than her eyes. Her skin is fair and flawless, but it's appearance is usually spoiled by the presence of mud and dirt. Cup size C.

-Personality-
Mir could be a nice person to hang around, if she didn't seem to work so hard at pushing people away. Despite her apparently social personality, she constantly makes rude and insensitive remarks, ignores social cues, and calls people names. She even goes so far as to talk very freely about the fact that she ate her own mother. Mir is also a rebellious type, and hates being told what to do, which makes a lot of fairies exclude her from their hunting packs. To top it all off, Mir is also quite lazy, and doesn't like to do a lot of work. Dirt is one thing she does like, and she can often be found taking a mud baths. While taking a mud bath, she becomes a lot more calm and cool-headed, and it seems to be the only time she doesn't work at being a horrible person to be around. She always enjoys a good joke, even at her own expense. While bathing in the mud, even humans and tinies could approach her without fear of becoming her snack, though in that case it would be wise to leave before she gets out. She doesn't like water very much and dislikes being clean.

-Background-
Mir grew up with a very controlling mother, who would constantly force her to do a number of things, the most relentless of all being keeping clean. She would make Mir take bath after bath and carry her around like a child to keep her from getting her feet dirty. Eventually Mir became fed up with this treatment and began to rebel, playing in the dirt and mud to get dirty to spite her mother. Finding it much more preferable to be free and do what she likes rather than work to impress someone else, she kept up her behavior until her mom got completely fed up with her. They wound up having a huge argument, which ended with Mir eating her own mother to get her out of her life. Afterwards, she ended up bearing a great deal of judgement from the fairies around her. Even though her friends wouldn't outright abandon her, they did constantly criticize her actions in that instant, to the point where Mir got fed up with them, too. She decided that if everyone thought she was a horrible person, she might as well become a horrible person, and started doing everything she could to push people away from her so she could be alone. If nothing else, she thought, it would at least keep her from having to suffer their constant judgements of her.

-Abilities-
Mir is an innate user of earth magic, and is very highly skilled with it, able to use it to surf on a mound of earth, raise and propel boulders at targets, and even tunnel underground. One of her most useful spells involves turning any surface into a pit of mud. The ability has a drawback, though, is the farther removed the surface is from dirt, the smaller the size limit of the mud hole she can make is. She can also use her magic to erect living golems of earth to fight for her, with a maximum size of 50 feet in height. Another strength of hers are her carapace wing covers, which protect her wings from harm both physical and magical when closed. However, in order to use her more powerful earth abilities or her size-changing magic, she must open her wings, which leaves them vulnerable. The covers also don't protect against water, as it is able to seep in through the small space between the carapaces and her skin and damage her wings. And to top it all off, she can hide and tunnel underground, using her horn to detect vibrations in the earth to locate things and beings above the ground. Offsetting Mir's powerful earth magic is the fact that her size-changing magic is not as powerful as that of other fairies; not only does she have a smaller range of sizes, but she cannot change the size of beings or objects, other than herself and those within her, at all. Mir also doesn't fly as fast as most fairies, as, being built for the ground rather than the air, her wings aren't shaped for speed, or stealth, for that matter.

-Appetite-
As she isn't generally accepted into other fairies' hunting packs due to her surly, uncooperative nature, Mir often 'hunts' alone. However, due to her lazy habits, she doesn't tend to go looking for food. Instead, she tends to stay in one spot, sometimes even taking a mud bath while she waits. When food does come along, she uses her magic to create a pit of sticky mud, or even sometimes quicksand, under her prey to trap them, then eats them whenever she gets around to it. If she's bathing, she'll likely try to chat with her prey, due to her social nature, but will usually eat them in the end, especially if (or rather, when) they judge her for eating her own mother. She has a fondness for humans, but will eat nekos, nagas, elves, and tinies, too. She'll feed on any non-sentient animal that wanders by as well.

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Name: Exilon
Race: Rosic Neko
Sex: Female
Chrono / Bio Age: 56 / 25
Height: 5'8
Skin Tone: Fair
Hair Colour: Light Blue, green-tinted bangs
Ear/Tail Fur Colour: Pink/Green
Eye Colour: Blue and Yellow
Predation: Opportunistic
Food Category: 0-4 inches. Prefers: Neeras

-Appearance-
Exilon is a very colourful rosic neko who travels around Felarya making people happy with her music. She also does live performances in Negav every so often to make money. She has light blue, shaggy hair that's shorter in the back than the front, with lime-green highlights in the bangs, pink and black-striped ear fur, and green and black-striped tail fur. One of her eyes is coloured yellow, while the other is coloured blue. She wears a long white trench coat, open front, that has red, blue, yellow, green, and purple lines running around it, overlapping and turning at 90 degree angles, and a black t-shirt underneath.  She also wears a skirt in a plaid pattern coloured red with yellow tones, white and red sneakers, and two differently-patterned, rainbow-coloured thigh-high socks. Her coat has a hood, and her appearance can be colour-changed to something much less eye-grabbing (the coat becomes forest camo, kneesocks and t-shirt white, skirt straight brown and sneakers black) so she can hide in the wilderness of Felarya when she needs to. Cup size CC.

-Personality-
Exilon is an energetic rosic neko who adores making others happy, usually by means of playing music for them. She is a mute, which can make communication with her difficult. However, she does carry a number of notepads and pens with her. The notepads are specially enchanted to transform whatever is written on them into language or symbols understandable to the reader (for illiterate preds, this means simple glyphs that depict either actions or how to sound the words out). Exilon is excitable and rather headstrong, and sometimes charges into situations without much thought. But she is also an excellent improviser, whether it's concerning music or not. She is a kind, friendly person, though she tends to jump to conclusions about people based on the first impression they make. She's always up for being proven wrong, though. She has kept her mind young over the years, mostly by keeping it buried in books and sheets of music rather than having many social experiences, so she tends to act closer to the age she looks than the age she actually is. Exilon likes to stand out, but it can sometimes work against her, as she also likes to play her music out loud sometimes, which can attract attention, whether it's wanted or not. This can sometimes make her a dangerous traveling companion. Exilon is very excitable, and can come off terribly obnoxious much of the time.

-Background-
When Exilon was growing up, she had a great deal of difficulty communicating with other rosic nekos in the village due to being born without vocal chords - a very rare occurrence - which made her unable to speak. Despite this, she was somewhat popular among her peers for her musical talents with the instrument that her mother taught her how to play on a violin. After having difficulty passing the test that all rosic nekos must take due to her interesting choice of audience (a mermaid who was notorious for not liking any of the music the rosic nekos played for her), she left her village for Negav, using a specially-made instrument called the omnilin to survive until she got there. Once in Negav, she spent most of her time studying music in schools and libraries in the city, until she happened upon a special type of sound-based magic. It took her a few years, but she managed to teach herself this magic art and perfected it to her own way of playing music. She also learned how to play a huge variety of musical instruments from many worlds in an effort to become the very definition of a one-woman band.

-Abilities-
Besides being a good dancer, Exilon's talents include the ability to use her sound-based magic to manipulate sound waves and create whatever sound she wants, whenever she wants. All that is required is a source of vibrations to manipulate using her magic power. Using this magic art, she can play up to 7 instruments at once; one using her magic staff, which can take the form of and instrument she pleases, and six constructs of her magic that create vibrations in the air. Needless to say, this takes a high level of focus and an ability to think on multiple levels simultaneously - both of which are strengths Exilon possesses. These constructs appear in the air around her, made of yellow, blue and purple lines, and they don't necessarily even need to be in the shape of an instrument to produce musical sound. Her staff can create sound without being in instrument form as well. The more instruments she plays at once, however, the quicker she gets tired out. Thus, performances by her usually last only one or two songs, or a one hour rest between each song. Outside of that, she generally sticks to as few instruments as possible. She can also use sound waves for offensive and defensive purposes, as she boasts the ability to make sound powerful enough to interact with solid objects, using it to create shields and to push people back. However, only her staff instrument can produce these powerful waves. She can manipulate vibrations to "throw" sounds as well, and create 'barriers' that causes sounds to fizzle out - these are tricks she uses to mask her presence and throw off aggressors and predators. To survive, she often plays music for predators she meets, being able to span a wide range of musical tastes. If that fails, she can use her magic to fight off or run away from the predators as well. A downside to having these powers is that Exilon has absolutely no fighting ability of her own, and without her staff, she cannot use her magic whatsoever. She can't even attack with her claw because she dulls them so she can use them as guitar picks.


--
Exilon reached into her long coat and produced a business card with a "Hi My Name Is..." sticker attached to it. In the space was written the name "Exilon", and below that the words, "and I cannot speak."

(Edited out)

Updated Rin Tei a little, and also added in Predation and Food Category slots in all my characters' bios. ^_^

I will say it again: Any and all feedback a person has to offer concerning my characters is welcome here, whether it be a simple positive comment on how interesting one or they are, to an extensive review of one (at a time, please) of my characters. I'd really like to know what people think! =^_^=

Sorry this hasn't shown up sooner. I thought I'd posted this a few days ago, only to check back today and find that it didn't go through for whatever reason. Not much of a loss, to be honest; even after reading the last few bios, I'm sorry to say I don't have much in the way of feedback. They're all pretty solid so far as I can see- nice work, by the way!- but nothing's really jumping out at me.
I do have two comments, however:
1 - I really like Exilon! She's fun and creative, I think. Musician characters are always nice.
2 - The bit in Niela's bio about her being able to seduce potential struck me as a little off. As someone said before on another bio in another thread, if people in Felarya were so easily taken by a pretty face, there'd be nobody left.

Thank you for getting back to me! ^.^ I was wondering when I would get to hear from you. Thank you very much for the compliments. ^_^ I'll look into what you said about Niela.

Nyaha wrote:

Thank you for getting back to me! ^.^ I was wondering when I would get to hear from you. Thank you very much for the compliments. ^_^ I'll look into what you said about Niela.

Not a problem! The thing with Niela isn't really that big of an issue, it's just that one would think that in a world of hot giant monster babes constantly out to get you, one would become kind of numb to sex appeal. I mean, it works for Vivian, but she has hypnosis as well. Again, it's not a big problem, but yeah, you might want to think it through a little more.

Name: Caldswell Southsmith
Race: Neko
Gender: Male
Chrono/Bio Age: 60/34
Height: 7'4"
Hair Colour: Black
Fur Colour: Black
Eye Colour: Blue
Predation: Safe


Caldswell is a neko man who lives in Nekomura, travelling to Negav every so often for food, to sell something, etc.. His most notable feature is his thick, grizzly beard on his chin and jawline. He has a large, muscular build, making for a rather intimidating yet, to some, gentle-seeming appearance. He wears a smoothed, olive green dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his biceps, with a brown vest with pockets over top. He tucks his shirt into a pair of well-fitted, light brown slacks, which appear pressed and well taken care-of, which are held up by a belt with a few satchels and pockets hanging off, and finishes off the look with average adventurer's leather boots. The containers on his belt hold tools and emergency equipment, as well as thing for everyday use. His arms sport black stripes that don't appear to be in any particular pattern, which resemble battle scars. His black hair is short and little bit unkempt, and he has gentle, yet strong blue eyes.

Caldswell is a kind, generous and understanding man, with years of social and survival experience. Despite his slightly intimidating appearance, he tries to be quite a pleasure to talk to, and has a good sense of humor to boot. Despite all these good qualities, he leads a rather lonely life, having fallen into a sort of depression after his daughter left Nekomura. The fact that he gets to see her every so often when she returns to Negav for supplies and food is one of the few things that keeps him going. When push comes to shove, Caldswell also proves himself to be a determined  man who will go to many length to get something done. Among Caldswell negative character traits are the fact that he can be quite indecisive, though he usually does a good job of hiding it, and that he tends to have a facetious attitude towards serious events, be he involved in them or talking about them. He also hides a resentment to giant nagas. He's not good with similes, metaphors, or other similar phrases, and is very picky about the food he eats. It is also notable that he has an irrational fear of nets, as from his many years at sea seeing fish caught in them, as well as a trauma he suffered in one of them, he believes without an iota of doubt that nets are inescapable, despite having seen men escape from them with blades many times in the past. It may also be worth noting that he has no eye for women.

In his youth, Caldswell was a hardy, if headstrong man who sailed the rivers and seas of Felarya under numerous captains on numerous vessels, and learned to perform many jobs aboard a ship quite well. He was not a good decision-maker, however, and he only survived so long due to the efforts of many people around him helping him out of many fixes he got himself into. One day, he met a woman with striking red hair and purple eyes, who later became his wife, and together they settled down in his hometown of Nekomura. Eventually, the two of them had a daughter together, who they named Kira Southsmith. To support this new family, Caldswell became an author, and wrote works of fiction based on his many adventures on the seas, and became quite a well-respected author at that. Almost a year after the child's birth, however, Caldswell's loving wife was lost in an attack on the village by a certain giant naga, sparking his resentment of the species altogether. He went on, though, strong, for his daughter, so that she may grow up to be strong as well. He taught her many things as she grew, such as survival tactics, combat maneuvers, and eventually, technological machinations he learned during his time on ships. These days, he spends most of his time continuing to write his books, waiting for days when his daughter returns to Nekomura to visit.

Caldswell's main physical strength is, well, his physical strength. Indeed, his muscles, especially his upper body, is well-developed and muscular, and his wardrobe usually shows this to some extent. Despite his large stature, he moves with the kind of agility common to nekos, making for a lethal combination of strength and speed. Not only that, but his days on the seas have also made him quite cunning. His time on boats also made him a skilled crewman, and a half-decent captain. He's generally pretty good with his hands, as well, and is a skilled carpenter, cook, and even knitter. However, he is not very good with weaponry of any kind, nor is he skilled with magic. He has very little defense against either, though weapons (close-range, that is) are easier for him to defend himself against than magic.

I would just like to notify potential reviewers that I have made numerous changes to some of my characters' bios, and I would like to request some feedback on them. I also haven't gotten much feedback on my newer characters, either, so I'd like that, too, ideally. I would like to note that while positive comments are good, I much prefer matter-of-fact criticism: All I want is to be told what the problems are, and perhaps ideas to correct them. That's all I really need. No hateful comments, please and thank you.

The characters I have updated most recently are:
Nyaha's Bio
Kira's Bio
Taihaku's Bio
Colin's Bio

Beryl's Bio is here: [link]

And all other bios can be found on page 4

Critique of; https://felarya.forumotion.com/t1920-nyaha-s-various-characters-and-creatures#59716

Well, you know, looking at this now and seriously thinking over the matter, I find that this isn't actually that bad of a character. The revisions you have made to his given personality serve to make it far less of an outright mary-sue. That may be the prime thing that has helped to make this character really become bearable, the flaws in the personality. His kindness and naivety work against him as often as for, and his cheeriness and acceptance make him offended by people with prejudices or opinions he regards as negative. The qualities are human and by extension likable, as all of us are inherently flawed in nature, so the audience is able to relate. I'm particularly fond of his tendency to overreact when flustered, because its a rather immature little habit that I myself have. You've made very notable and good progress as far as instilling your characters with personalities goes.


The shirt, however, isn't something I'm as partial to. I think it's a bit too convenient as a device due to the seemingly infinite capacity for carrying objects it has. With something like that on his person at all times, the character would have little trouble producing something of use in most conflicts or other situations that would demand it, effectively removing a great deal of the tension of a true struggle to survive, which is a big part of Felarya in my eyes. However, I will admit that the complaint here is one part my opinion and another part pure possibility. If you could write it well enough so that the conflict stems from something other than outside forces that can be easily counter acted by the shirt, then it would be perfectly acceptable, provided you could do that, of course. I do recognize that it can be destroyed, but what has to be understood is that given the abilities it has, such a thing wouldn't be a particularly easy matter.

Also, I've made note of the fact that this revision of the bio is lacking in a backstory, though that might actually be an improvement in itself due to some of the issues contained within previous iterations of the story as I had seen it. Without that though, this is effectively a description of a shirt and his (Not bad) personality, and it feels as though something of importance is absent. A backstory within a biography is, in my opinion, important for a few reasons; Firstly, it is a means by which to explain the origin of the character, obviously, and sometimes useful, given the context, for showing the means through which they arrived in Felarya should they not be a native. Secondly, a proper backstory often includes important events within the life of the character that help the reader to understand why it is the character may possess some of their personality traits. Any traumatic experiences, for instance, that are shown could serve as the given reason for a particular aspect of a character's personality. It's convenient and helps makes sense of things. Nice to have all around, really. However, I am going to conjecture that you have left this without one for the sake of making revisions to it or explaining it within the story itself or something of that sort.

With all that done, I'll just flatly state my opinion as it stands now; Pretty good. There is space for more substance and improvement upon what is already done, of course, but in relation to what I've seen in the past, you've done well.

Nyaha wrote:

I've done a lot of reworking of Zelkova, so I'm reposting her bio. I hope that anyone who sees this will leavea helpful comment. ^_^
-------------------

Name: Zelkova
Race: Giant Mermaid
Gender: Female
Bio/Chrono Age: 18 / 62
Length: 210 ft
Skin: Green
Scales: Green
Hair: Blond
Eyes: Blue
Predation: Highly Specialized
Food Category: 3-20 feet. Perefers: Humans, seagull harpies

Zelkova is a mermaid who lives in the Topazial Sea. She has oceany-green skin and scales, blond hair tied in a ponytail, and a sparkling blue eye. However, her most striking feature is the eyepatch she wears on the left side of her face, made of black fabric and held on by a brown strap. She also wears a necklace with different kinds of seashells on it, the most striking one being a sparkling red 'half-a-broken-heart-'shaped shell situated in the middle of the cable. She also wears many bags and pockets strapped criss-cross to her tail.

Zelkova is very tomboyish, liking to use a lot of hip lingo like 'dude' and 'shizznit'. She's usually pretty content with herself and with life, though she has a low attention span and tends to jump around from topic to topic. One thing Zelkova has a love for is seashells of all kinds, and she has a rather impressive collection of them hidden somewhere in the Topazial Sea. Zelkova does, however, have a very sadistic and destructive side to her that often comes out around humans, a liking for which she has not, and she loves to destroy any ships she sees. When she gets into the swing of things, or becomes enraged, her instincts take over and she loses control, wanting only to destroy everything in sight. These lapses in judgement happen frequently, though they don't last long, and she can usually manage to keep herself in check when she's around friends.

When Zelkova was little, her parents were kidnapped by a group of unwell-meaning mermaids, intent on selling their scales to humans to make a profit. During the event, Zelkova also lost her left eye to one of the group who wielded a harpoon-like weapon. Friends of Zelkova's and of her parents, as well as her ichthys protector, soon came in response to Zelkova's sad mermaid songs, but by that time the ship was long gone. However, they were able to use a certain type of seashell and some medical supplies that fell from a ship to patch up Zelkova's eye, so that she didn't die of blood loss. Some time after the incident, Zelkova happened upon a sparkling red seashell that was in the shape of half of a broken heart, and she saw it as a reflection of the state her own heart was in at the time. She thought that perhaps, if she could somehow locate the other half of this shell, she'd have a chance of being able to patch up her own heart as well, and thus began her seashell collection.

Zelkova is not a typical mermaid. Rather than using her voice to lure in sentient prey, she takes a more direct approach in attacking any ships, land-goers, or harpies she spots relentlessly. Zelkova does not have the same long froggish tongue that others of her kind have, and to boot that, she knows extremely little magic. However, she makes up for these shortcomings by having above-average physical ability, able to swim very fast and strong and able to jump out of the water and reach incredible heights. She can also punch a hole straight through most types of ships, even a few that have metal hulls. But strength alone is not enough to survive in Felarya. Thus Zelkova also makes use of many different types of seashells, which she carries around in the pockets strapped to her tail, some of which have special or magical properties. One skill she has with many types of seashells is the ability to throw them like ninja stars, making them curve through the air before they hit their mark. Zelkova can aslo throw seashells underwater, using a type of magic taught to her to control their movement, able to propel them farther, turn them in mid-'flight', and make them return to her. However, due to her low magic ability, the spell only works on shells she's touched, and above water, she can only make shells come back to her. Some seashells explode, others can create whirlpools when used properly, and still others simply have sharp edges or points. Zelkova can make excellent use of these shells, and is prepared for many situations while she has them. She also knows how to create makeshift weapons by gluing shells together using a type of naturally-occurring waterproof adhesive that certain seashells produce, and can wield both swords and spear-type weapons made from shells and coral pieces.

Zelkova's appetite is quite large, but can be quenched by many things, including fish, humans, and even sweet-tasting goop that grows on the bottom of some types of seashells, though her favourite food is seagull harpies, as not only do they taste great, but they provide excellent physical exercise for her. However, she can be quite merciless towards humans, given the fact they were involved in the abduction of her parents, and often likes to kill them in different ways, sometimes sexual, before eating them. Though under some circumstances a human could prove themselves 'cool enough to hang with Zelky', prey species like nekos and elves generally have a better time getting off Zelkova's lunch menu. However, Zelkova is very open to accepting bribes of seashells in exchange for lives, regardless of race, and this is one of the main methods of survival to use around her. However, according to Zelkova, exchange rates vary, and some seashells are worth more than others. Depending on size, rarity, colour, sheen, and usefulness, certain seashells may only allow one or two people to be let free, while others can account for an entire ship's crew. The farther away from the Topazial Sea the seashell can be found, the more valuable it is to Zelkova, and this goes double for shells that can only be found in the Shimmering Sea. Zelkova also has one other skill that makes her especially dangerous; she can move well on land. Using her physical prowess, as well as her 'never-give-up' attitude, she can drag, twist, and roll around on land, making for a very deadly predator. If you're on land, however, the best thing to do to avoid Zelkova is to camouflage yourself. Only having one eye, Zelkova doesn't have exactly the best eyesight of any predator in Felarya, and is easily fooled by tricks like camouflage or smoke screens.

So this is the Tomboy who CHEWED ME LIKE GUM ;_;
Alright, I didnt know that she can roll around on land, im glad she got bored of chewing me life beef jerky rather quickly,
and the crushing didnt help
One question, why does she not harbor a distrust of other mermaids? Mermaids aided the abduction of her mother.
She was going to flay me too...
Im scared

Thank you for your assessment Warrior and yes, I removed the backstory mainly to work on it.

Hat, that is a great point you bring up. I messed up when I didn't realize that changing one thing, especially in a characters' backstory, would serve to change other things about them. I'll look into it.

EDIT: I made a few changes, as per your point, Hat, and to answer your question, she doesn't dislike all mermaids because she knows not all of them can be bad. After all, if they were, then how is it possible she could be so awesome? ;3 (<--- Zelkova's thinking)

Name: Brine
Race: Sea krait naga-meiramis mix
Gender: Female
Chrono/Bio Age: 65 / 18
Length: 234 feet
Skin: Light, Fair
Scales: Deep blue base, pale blue spots, wavy red lines running length of tail, yellow underbelly
Hair: Jet black
Eyes: Yellow
Predation: Safe

-Appearance-
Brine is a sea krait naga who lives in the Topazial Sea. Her hair is jet black, long, and silky, with strands of seaweed intertwined in it. Her calm-looking eyes are yellow and, like all sea nagas, pupil-less. Unlike most nagas of her race, instead of having a small fin at the tip of her tail, she has a ribbon running down the top of her tail, somewhat like an eel, as a result of crossbreeding between a large meiramis mermaid and a sea krait naga. Her tail scales are a mix of a deep blue base, pale blue spots, with two squiggly red lines running the length of her tail - one on each side - and bright yellow underbelly scales. Like many giant species, she wears no clothing to speak of, though she does have large coral earrings in the shape of sharp hooks. She also wears a belt with a bag on it to carry any seashells and such that she comes across. Her body has a healthy weight to it, especially in the hips and tail, though it does make her look slightly chubby in the abdominal region. Her tail is quite weighty as well. She has a very gentle face and often wears a calm expression. Her voice is soft and melodic, personifying her subtle personality. Cup size H.

-Personality-
Brine is usually a very kind and calm sea naga, who is known to have a great capacity for empathy. Though she tends to be rather nervous when she talks to strangers, she easily sympathizes with those around her and can feel the pain of others as if she was walking in their footsteps. This part of her personality is taken a step further, however, due to a curse that was placed on her as a child. The curse causes her to feel the surface emotion(s) of anyone she comes into physical contact with. If they are feeling angry, or sad, Brine, too, will become angry or sad, and for the same reasons, too. The curse works as a double-edged sword for Brine, as it allows her to feel the joy of those around her better, and she can use it to empathize with people on an exceptionally deep level, but it also forces her to take on the pain and negative of others as well, even someone who accidentally bumps into her. She has become accustomed to the mental strain the curse puts on her, and can usually shake off any unintended instances of contracting negative emotion. She does tend to be a bit of a pushover in social situations due to her passive nature. She can get upset on her own, however, if someone forces her to feel something she doesn't want to, or takes advantage of her curse, or causes someone close to her a large amount of pain. However, she is not violent by nature, so one would not typically suffer physical repercussions from her for making her angry. She doesn't like to see her friends get hurt, but usually feels too powerless to protect them. As an interesting note, her parents named her after Brine Lake, a locale in the deep sea known for being a serene place of relaxation for many.

-Background-
When Brine was a young sea naga, her best friend Zelkova had her parents taken away from her by other mermaids. As her friend sunk into despair and depression, Brine found that nothing she did could help her friend feel better about anything, not even giving Zelkova her favourite seashell to use as an eyepatch. She eventually fell into a depressed state due to a combination of despair and how her friend had been treating her. But she didn't want to give up on her childhood friend. One day, she wandered the underwater city, desperate for a way to help her, but was lured in by a mermaid with evil intentions due to having been slighted by the still rageful Zelkova, and she placed a curse on Brine that turned her into an extremely sensitive empath, forcing her have to feel her friend's pain as her own. All this heaped upon her was too much, and she found herself wallowing in a pit of darkness and negative emotions, until one day, her friend came to her anew, content and calm, letting Brine to feel nothing but her overpowering positivity. Together, they helped each other get through their troubles, Zelkova supplying Brine with as many positive feelings as she could until Brine learned to control the curse that had been placed upon her and stop it from pulling in the emotions of everyone around her.

-Abilities-
Aside from her empath powers, Brine is an innate user of nature magic, with which she has the power to control plants like seaweed and algae, and is able to channel nutrients from her own body into them to make them more resilient. She has also learned basic skills with water magic, as per her affinity for it as a sea krait naga, and is also a proficient user of healing magic, which often involves her channeling nutrients from her own body through plants and into the body of whatever she's healing. This use of her own nutrients is one reason why she keeps a healthy girth on her body. When hunting, she can grow and control the seaweed around her, including the strands in her hair, to ensnare her targets for easy catching. She can also alter the water current in her immediate vicinity to increase her speed. For defense, she can combine the use of seaweed with the sharp hook earrings she wears, creating a 'hook-and-chain' weapon that she can use from a distance. Underwater, she can employ two methods of using this weapon; either using her magic to control where the hook goes, or swimming around and allowing the hook to follow her. The former method is also usable above water, and can also swing the hook around in a rather violent-looking style. However, she generally only uses these techniques against non-sapient beings, or when her life or that of someone close to her is in serious danger. It would, however, not be unlike her to use it when under the influence of someone else's angry or violent emotions. Unfortunately, Brine can be made pretty well incapacitated if her opponent, if sapient, can get a hold of her and stay in physical contact with her, and supply her with apathetic or otherwise inhibiting emotions. However, if an angry or worked up person grabs her, she can become agitated and put up an even better fight, so exercise caution of you intent to employ this tactic against her.

-Diet-
Due to her curse, Brine is completely unable to feed on sapient prey, otherwise she would end up feeling the negative emotions they feel at the prospect of becoming food. Thus, her diet is mainly comprised of fish and certain edible vegetation that grows underwater. When around her friend Zelkova (or any other man-eating pred), she can be persuaded to eat sapient prey, given that Zelkova can use her own emotions to overpower those of their prey. Otherwise, Brine is essentially harmless to any living, feeling person.

Well, that was actually rather good, great even. I think you really hit the intended mark this time.

Even with my rather discerning eye (I would like to believe I have one, anyway) I was unable to immediately find any flaws, and had to think for a while to find anything that would serve as a legitimate problem within the bio as a whole. That being said, I would like to address the one thing that did catch my eye; It feels like there is something close to a contradiction between her nature and some of her abilities and standard courses of action. Throughout her description, you emphasize repeatedly her passiveness, to the point that she feels too powerless to actually defend her friends or retaliate for anyone afflicting her with a negative emotion against her own volition. However, when you go on to describe her abilities, you make her out as quite self defense capable, going so far as to label her fighting style violent. Violent and passive don't really mesh well, especially in this instance in which it has been mentioned that she often doesn't feel able to defend those around her. Still, it doesn't detract greatly from anything, and it would be easily resolved by clarifying the circumstances beneath which she will take action and the degree to which that action goes. You could say, for instance, "She tends to only fight with nonsentient beings" (Which would make sense to me personally, given that her ability only functions in the cases of sentient creatures) or "She will defend herself if it is absolutely necessary". Just an additional statement to really make her inherent passive nature blend better with her defensive capabilities. Even that much might not be completely necessary; I'm willing to admit that I just might not be right here, the bio is really so well done I'm not certain of if my own complaint is really appropriate.

That's basically it. This is, in relation to what you've done in the past and what a lot of people continue to do now, a stunning piece of work, and it's very clear that you're developing for the better. The little quirks your characters tend to have are notably toned down and more sensible. Her empathy related ability doesn't seem entirely silly, anyway. It's a good personality, an ability that would make for quite an interesting read if used in a story, and a fair background.

Good job.

I hope someone makes something bad. All this being favorable in my critiques really doesn't get me going as much.